Family Comes First

Chapter 36

- A m a r a R u s s o -

"Wake up."

Santino's annoying as hell's voice busted into my senses as I woke up, eyes still hazy and unfocused as I stared at him.

I hadn't gotten much sleep last night.

Not like it's unusual anymore.

With my frequent nightmares at everything going on and my refusal to tell Salvestro anything during our therapy sessions, the voices and night terrors were just getting worse with each passing night.

Every time I closed my eyes, I was plagued with the images of dead bodies surrounding me, and the possible gruesome deaths I may have to face with the Mafia coming after me. What possible ways I might die. And it was taking its toll on me.

Before the Christmas party, I was making good progress even with the voices in my head once every few hours. I had an almost fit body, and I was actually gaining some weight.

Now?

I haven't been eating well nowadays, causing my weight to drop down. I also had huge bags under my eyes, proving that I was not sleeping enough. Although Salvestro tried to get me to talk to him, I usually completely shut down on him instead. This caused our therapy session to just be sat in silence unlike before where we could actually have a decent conversation without my fear overtaking me.

My grades may say otherwise, but I'm not stupid. I know that my mental state is declining, and I know that I should get help. The things stopping me? The voices.

Who knew that the voices could have such a powerful influence on me? I didn't, at least not until after the Christmas party.

"Good morning to you too." I muttered to Santino, who rolled his eyes.

"Salvino and I are waiting in the gym." he told me. "We expect you there in ten minutes."

With that, he slammed the door shut, almost making it splinter as I saw a few pieces of wood break off from the hinges of the door.

I jumped off the bed, my nerves a jumbled mess as I shakily got into the bathroom, trying my best to comb out my unruly hair. I looked at the mirror, only to jerk my eyes away immediately at what I saw.

I looked worse than yesterday.

My cheeks were sunken today, and the dark circles under my eyes were more pronounced. Not only that, but my eyes were red and puffy, indicating that I was probably silently crying while I slept.

Thank God for small mercies.

If I had yelled in my sleep, only God knows what my brother's reactions would be. They'd probably force all the secrets I've been hiding out of me, and that's saying something.

My lips were dry, and I honestly resembled someone who just came out of torture. Technically, I did come out of torture if the lack of sleep and the constant horror-filled visions I had counted. Mental torture, would fit better for this phrase.

"Amara!"

A banging on my door cut me out of my thoughts and I rushed to open it, my toothbrush still in my mouth as I gingerly opened the door.

"Hmm?" I said, mouth full of toothpaste as I stared at... Salvino?

"Oh my beloved potatoes," Salvino murmured, and I had to keep in my laughter at his words. "You look like you just came out of hell."

And my mood dropped.

"Such a nice thing to say at..." I checked the time. "Six in the morning."