dreamer//h.s

07//if i could fly

TRIGGER WARNING: panic attack/anxiety attack. please don't read if this is sensitive to you

Ila James
June 1, 2018
Mexico City, Mexico

I am the happiest I have ever been. These past 3 months have just been so amazing. I genuinely have never thought my dream would come true and it has... Well besides one thing and I can't have it. Harry.

Harry Styles, my idol. Harry Styles then turned into my boss's boss meaning he is my boss. Harry Styles then turned into a best friend and now... I may have feelings for him. If I do, I wouldn't want to admit it and our friendship ends terribly. I don't think I could lose him because he means the absolute world to me.

Today is the first of the two Mexico City shows. I am very very excited for this. We had a 2 day break so yesterday I went and explored the city. I was out all day and got amazing photos. I can't wait to edit these photos. Now with me being gone all day, I didn't get to see Harry. But, that is because I didn't want to risk him and I getting bombarded by paps or fans. One thing that also was not good was that I didn't have that good of reception so when I got back around 12:30 am, I had tons of messages from him.

From: harry
9 am: Good morning love! Let me know when you get back so we can hang out.
11:45 am: Ila, just checking in on you. I am starting to get bored without you.
1:00 pm: I am sorry for bothering you but I wanted to know if you want to meet anywhere for lunch? If you already ate that's okay. I will just bother Mitch or Jeff. <3
4:00 pm: Okay now I am getting worried. Can you let me know that you are okay?
6:03 pm: I am going to grab dinner with Mitch and Sarah if you want to join us :)
9:50 pm: Hey baby, I still haven't heard from you and I am really worried. Can you text me or call me just letting me know you are okay?
10 pm: Mitch is dragging me to his room to party with the band. You should be here. Ila are you mad at me?
10:12 pm: you must be mad at me. I am sorry if I upset you Ila. I understand that's why you aren't talking to me if that is the case. I'll leave you alone now. I'll see you tomorrow. <3
12 am: Ila James, you are the greatest person in my life. Thank you for being my best friend even though I don't deserve you.
12:01 am: I miss you Ila. you should join the partayyyyy!

I should have messaged him when I got back but I was so exhausted that I just went to bed. Getting out of bed and throwing on fuzzy socks and Harry's hoodie and head to the bathroom to brush my teeth and stuff. Grabbing my tote bag, phone and room keys I head out across the hall to his room.

It's 9:30 am and he is usually up by now so I just let myself in with my key. When I get in, he is there sleeping peacefully. He looks absolutely beautiful because he is sleeping. I wonder if he dreams and if he does what kind of dreams he has. Am I in his dreams like he is with mine?

I look at him more closely and notice the little quarks about him while he's sleeping. His curls are very prominent while sleeping and he sleeps with his mouth open just a tiny bit. I notice that he is cuddling the pillow I slept on the night before.

Smiling at how adorable he is I sit down slowly to not wake him. I start rubbing his arm softly so I don't scare him awake.

He begins to stir and a small "hmm" comes out and he slowly opens his eyes. Once he notices it's me a soft smile forms on his sleepy face.

"Mornin" smiling at his adorableness, "morning H are you okay?" He rubs his eyes and sits up. "Yeah, just a slight headache. Are you okay?" sighing, "yeah I am okay. Sorry about not texting back. I didn't get them until I got back and it was really late by the time I did. I could also tell you were having fun so I didn't want to bother."