dreamer//h.s

21//love is strange

And we are back. Before we begin I have to give a TW
TW: mentions of emotional and mental abuse; mentions of panic attacks.
If there is anything I miss please let me know and I will update the list.

Ila James
July 16, 2021
LA

I woke up smiling, like a school girl having a playground crush. Staring out of the window that is by my bed, just thinking about him. Not only that but, I am so grateful to have him back in my life. Obviously there is a lot of working through what happened along with my trust but, I could tell how awful he felt.

I was able to sleep throughout the night. That is because I wasn't scared to see him in my dreams. Last night I welcomed him back into my life and into my dreams.

Picking up my phone, I decided to scroll through instagram and twitter, getting bored quite quickly. Next thing I know, I am dialing Harry's number. Ringing a few times, Harry picks up the phone. "My sweet girl, what do I owe the pleasure?" He says slightly out of breath. "Oh you know, I just thought I would bother you this morning." I laugh which causes him to laugh.

"I am just finishing up a workout and then heading back to my place. I have studio time in a few hours. What are you up to today?" Sitting up and rest against the headboard, "I am doing absolutely nothing. Unless Will randomly shows up since I am in fact ignoring his texts." Harry laughs at the fact that I am ignoring Will. "Well do you want to join me at the studio? We are just writing a bit, maybe fucking around." I smile, "Yeah I'll come. Should I just meet you at your house?" He hums a no. "I'll pick you up since you are on the way to the studio." I tell him okay and we say our goodbyes.

Once we get off the phone, I get up out of bed. My actions woke Rosie up who was sleeping all cozy on the empty side of my bed. "Morning sweet girl, are you hungry?" She stretches and hops down so that she can run into the kitchen and wait for me. When I get into the kitchen she is standing at her bowl patiently waiting. I fill up her food bowl and give her a few head scratches.

I turn on Grey Anatomy again and just mindlessly watch tv. My phone goes off with a text. Looking at it I see Will texted me. Rolling my eyes before opening it.

From: William <3
Morning Ila! Just wanted to ask you if today would be a good day to get together. I know you are busy so just let me know. Also, why haven't you answered me?

To: William <3
Hey, I am busy all day again. I am at a shoot right now and then I am in a meeting after. I won't be home until late.

Lying to him will be the only thing I do until I can figure out how to tell him that Harry is back in my life. Will obviously knows about my past with Harry so I know that if I told him what I was actually doing, he would go ballistic. He's done it before.

I realize that my feelings for Harry are still here, still thriving. I also realized that I only got back with Will because I just wanted that companionship and validation from someone. Even if it's from a very toxic ex that was mentally and emotionally abusive. So I just need to break it off with him but that is going to be a difficult thing to do.

It's around 10 am now so I went to get ready so that I can just meet Harry down in his car. He texted me letting me know that he will be here by 11 so that gives me enough time to get ready. Doing very minimal makeup today and throwing my hair in a low ponytail. I head into my closet to pick out what to wear. Going ahead with an oversized graphic tee and jeans. For shoes I am wearing my new white air forces.