dreamer//h.s

14//helplessly hoping

Welcome to the final show

Ila James
July 12, 2018
LA

Waking up this morning, everything is fuzzy. When I open my eyes, I notice that I am not in the guestroom where I had fallen asleep in and I also cannot move. Slowly realizing that I am being bear hugged by Harry. I close my eyes and focus my breathing so he doesn't realize I am up. Everything comes back to me like a freight train.

I remember getting woken up by someone coming through the garage and picking up a knife. Only finding out it was Harry because Rosie greeted him. I don't remember how we ended up here though and why I am not in my room. Knowing that today is going to be an interesting day now that Harry is back. I try my hardest to not move so he can get rest.

He stirs lightly, "morning pretty girl." I open my eyes and see he is smiling at me since we are facing each other, "hi," I respond softly, "I've missed you." He chuckles, "I've missed you more baby, what's going on in that pretty head of yours?" Sighing at his question, "this morning I guess? I don't know if it's still all fuzzy to me." Harry nods slightly, "let me make breakfast and we can spend all day catching up." I nod and he unwraps his arms from my body. He heads downstairs after and I lay staring at the ceiling just for a couple of minutes.

I slowly get out of the bed and head downstairs to the kitchen. When I got there Harry was feeding Rosie her breakfast so I sat at the island. Silence. I have come to like silence but right now I absolutely hate it. I throw my hands in my sleeves and play with them in my lap. Harry walks back over to the fridge and opens it. "I think I am going to make you your favorite breakfast. Do you want coffee?" he looks over his shoulder and I nod looking back into my lap.

Harry pulls out anything he needs to make breakfast and our coffee. "I am sorry," sighing trying to not cry, "I am sorry about this morning. I don't know why I did that." Harry stops and turns towards me and leans on the counter, "Ila you never have to apologize, you were scared and I am sorry for doing that. I just want you to know that you are always safe with me and whatever happened... I am here. I may not have actually been here but I am now." I look up to him with tears fighting their way out, "I... thank you," wiping my eyes on my sleeves, "a lot happened, a lot of history forced its way back in my life." I close my eyes.

I know I should have talked to him when it happened because he would have listened but I didn't want to bother him with my life drama especially when he is on tour. But, now I do have to tell him. Though he is not pushing me to tell him, I owe it to him.

With tears coming down, Harry rushes over to me, I open my eyes and see that he is kneeling in front of me. He wipes the tears away and then puts my hands in his. " Baby, shh, take your time. I am not going anywhere. Promise." I take a deep breath in before I start speaking, "you know how I was getting dinner with an old friend from highschool?" he nods, "She got there before me so when I went to our table, there was someone else from high school. His name is Will and he was also my best friend in middle and high school. We dated from sophomore year to senior year, before he broke up with me because I was heading off to NYU. Will was not a good boyfriend at all, the only time he threw up that front was in front of my family. I can't really get into that right now because that is a tough subject for me. Anyway, Alexis obviously knew but I don't think she realized what affect it still has on me, hell I didn't even know." I chuckle slightly. Harry looked at me in the eyes, "Dinner was good, like really good until Alexis went to the bathroom, he wanted to mention the tabloids right now and that it looks like I have moved on. Which I have. So I decided that I would drive them back here so we can continue to catch up right?" Harry nods again. "Alexis forgot her jacket so it left me and was waiting for the valet and he kissed me. Which once I realized what was happening I pushed him away." I decided I should take a break from talking because I know I carry on a lot.