dreamer//h.s

16//yesterday

dont be mad

Ila James
LA

Three Years Later...

Dreams. Everyone has them and some have multiple. They can change someone's life or they can destroy a life as well. You can choose to go after that dream or let it slip through the cracks. You owe it to yourself to do everything you can to be happy in life.

For a while I thought I finally achieved everything I had dreamed of and now I can be just happy. I was wrong. In the process of achieving the dream I got hurt. I got hurt by my supposed best friend, by the love of my life. After Harry mysteriously left me in the dust on my birthday all those years ago, I was hurt. Not only hurt but broken. The most broken I have ever been in my life. I've been through some shit too, so that's saying something.

After three years, I still haven't gotten answers as to what happened on that balcony that night. I finally accepted that I most likely will never get the answers that I was looking all over hopelessly. Harry was the one to make that decision, whatever it may be, Harry was the coward. I was very depressed for a good year and then one day it all clicked. I was left more angry and confused than depressed.

I realized that I was just a little rag doll in Harry's doll house. Once I was used and worn, I was thrown out to the trash. Like I am a toy on the island of misfit toys. I hope he is happy with the decision he made.

I used all of the anger to fuel my soul to chase after my dream. That leads me back to LA for the first time in over 2 years.

During the first year I stayed here in LA pretty much. I had to travel here and there for certain shoots I was hired for but LA became a home. After that year I realized that it was not home and that it was tainted. Everywhere I went I was reminded of him and I also knew I could run into him at any point. Soon realizing it only felt like home because of him.

So, I left.

I went back to New York for a while where I realized that I needed Crimson and Blair. While there, I became super close with Niall. Which was a surprise at first but I couldn't be happier that he is one of my best friends. When I got back to New York, Crimson had told me that her and Ni made it official. They have been together for about 2 and a half years. Making it work with all of the traveling Niall does since he mainly lives in London.

Crimson's Red Room is now officially a nightclub. One of the most well known in the city. The wait list goes into the next year so it's so hard to get in. But, I kind of know the owner so that helps.

Blair was in New York when I moved back and to no one's surprise she's still doing her. What she does works. Not having a main city or country she's based out of. Blair is also now one of the top models at Gucci. I couldn't be happier for not only her but Crimson. She did in fact settle down just a little bit. What I mean by that is, she got a puppy. His name is Jameson and he is the most adorable puppy ever. He is a St. Bernard so I know by the time I see him next he will be huge.