dreamer//h.s

20//you're my best friend pt. 2

have fun ;)

Ila James
July 15, 2021
LA

When you are a kid, your imagination is your friend. Sometimes that imagination is your only friend. The only thing you can go to for comfort and to feel safe. As you get older, your imagination develops. Your imagination comes to you in your dreams. If you're anything like me, I look at my dreams for an escape. An escape from reality when the world becomes too much.

As a little girl, I didn't have friends. I was the kid who would be the last picked, or not asked to play at recess. I was the little girl who sat alone at lunch to eat. I always wondered why. Why are these kids being so mean to me? All I wanted to do was to have friends. That's when I turned to my imagination. I didn't have an imaginary friend per say but I had a pretty detailed imagination.

My parents have always told me that my mind is too good for my own good. I can't help but to agree with them because who would at the age of 7 ask their parents for a camera. A film camera to be exact. They are also the ones telling me as I got older, to chase after my dreams. That I should be happy with life and enjoy it to the fullest.

When I got older, the kids in my class started to get mean. They would bully me. To this day I never have understood why that would happen to me. But, this was also the time Will and Alexis came into my life. They stood up for me and never wanted me to be alone again. Sadly, just because of that, the other kids became more ruthless. My parents wanted to pull me from my school but I begged them to let me stay.

I was in junior high and I had just made friends, why would I want to leave? Leaving meant leaving my two new friends who ultimately ended up being my best friends. Looking back, I should have agreed.

I was never happy in school, it was only when I was home or with Will and Alexis that I was happy. But, even then I felt alone. I always felt alone because no one understood me. I can't really explain it to this day, why I still felt alone.

High school came and the bullying stopped because I was the least of everyone's worries. I was still ignored by everyone though but at that point I could care less. I just wanted out and away from that place. I was the person always raising my hand in class to answer the question. I was the one always overly involved. Just to distract myself from what thoughts I had in my mind.

I was told by many teachers that I would never make it as a photographer. That's not a profession. I won't ever be stable in life. I need to go into business, law or med. There was a point where I almost gave into what they were saying. That day I went home and told my parents. They told me that I am dumb if I listen to my teachers. That I need to listen to my head and my heart and follow my dream.

That's what I did. I followed my dream and that is why I am where I am in life.

I can officially tell everyone who doubted me through out my life, fuck you. Fuck you for telling me that I will get no where in my life. That no one would take me seriously.

I am a successful woman at the age of 24. I am one of the most well known photographers in the world. Anyone and everyone wants to hire me.

My dreams have always been where I can escape from the world. After what happened with Harry, I didn't feel safe in my dreams. My dreams become nightmares.

Harry became a part of my dreams pretty early on in our friendship. That's when I knew, I think. So when he left, he was still a part of those dreams. I thought it would stop when I moved on from it but it didn't. He still has a house within my dreams and I hope it's permanent.

I still love Harry. I don't think I will ever stop. But, there's conversations to be had between us and answers need to be given.

If Harry is back, I need to make sure he's not leaving again. If he doesn't plan on staying then I am not jumping back in head first just to get hurt again.