⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️
This chapter does contain topics of rape, substance abuse, and domestic violence.
Please if you are are sensitive to these topics please skip this chapter I'll make it make sense for you later!
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Jo'nae Marie Andrews, NJ 📍
No one understands my story. Shit I barely understand it. I was only 5. A five year old wouldn't know what to do. It's not like I had a huge support system. My mother was strung on drugs and my father only gave a fuck about himself. He would always be quick to hand me off to anyone else. Until he allowed me to be with the wrong person. I've kept this secret for years. I've never told Jay, Demarcus, or Ashanti. But I feel that I need to. It would give them answers to slot of my actions.
But how do I start? I don't even know where to start.
I got out my bed and went to get my notepad and pencil. I grabbed them and sat back on my bed in cross cross apple cause. Like in kindergarten.
Hey guys. I began to write.
More than likely If you're finding this I'm no longer with you.
I know this is so sudden. And Unexpected. But a person can only take but so much until they break.
And I'm at that point.
I've never told you guys about the real me. I try to pretend to be what I'm not to please you guys.
Jay I'm proud of you. You've came a long way since grade school. You've always been there for me. Even though I can be pretty stupid at times.
Demarcus. I've always liked you. You were my first love. It's always the first loves that hurt more than anything. You were good to me. All the fights and arguments were my fault and I'm sorry.
Ashanti, I love you. Demarcus is my first love but you are and will forever be my soul mate. We connected so tightly and being around you was a different type of unmatched energy I've never felt with anyone else. This one is going to hurt to. But don't cry. Please don't cry. I don't want to see you cry.
I want the three of you to be happy. I'm not scared. I'm not scared of dying. It's more scary for you guys than it will be for me. I've always been absent. My body has been here but my mind and soul hasn't.
Ashanti, I hope you tell the baby about me. I would've loved seeing him or her grow up.
But it's time you guys learned my story.
When I was just 5 years old my parents weren't real parents to me. They would use me for money. The government would give more money to those who had kids. They never provided for me. They did the literal bare minimum.
One day my uncle came and picked me up from my house. He promised to take care of me. And I trusted him. Biggest mistake. Cause the same person I put my trust in is the same person that snatched my innocence from me. But he took more.
Over the years he took my confidence, my self esteem, and my pride. I was completely distraught by the age of 8.
Jay you remember that long ass week I took off of school. When I went on "vacation". I wish it was vacation. I spent that week in the bathroom of my uncles house trying to stop myself from bleeding. I didn't exactly know where it was coming from at the time. But once I realized I cried.
