You'll Never Know

Broken Mate

NEW CHAPTER THAT DIDN'T TAKE SO LONG. YAAAAYYYY. This chapter is dedicated to all you awesome, patient readers who stayed with this story despite the slow chaps.

The song is 'Pieces of Me' by Ashlee simpson, I've always loved this song and I think it relates to Kyle espeically in the sentence 'to make me happy its your mission and you won't stop till I'm there' *sighs*

Vote, Comm, Enjoy :D

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weeks went by and I still hadn't managed to talk. Kyle had been coming by my room everyday, telling me he was sorry and that i wan't locked anymore. I was free to go anywhere I want even if it is to leave. I felt like a bitch but I still couldn't bring myself to talk, even to him.

Today was a pretty depressig day; clouds hid the sun and it was a bit cold. I shivered as I sat by my window. I heard the door open and didn't need to look towards the door to know Kyle was in the room. he walked to me and I felt something heavy placed on me, I gave a start only to turn my head and see Kyle holding up his hands.

"I just thought you might get cold" he said nodding to the blanket he had put around me. I nodded and pulled the blanket tighter around me.

"So what do you want to talk about today?" He asked me and I felt my lips tug into a smile; after a while Kyle stopped saying he was sorry and started just talking to me about any random thing. "hey remember that time mom took us to that dolphin show" 

I smiled and he continued "God I remember you were so excited and then when they let the seal out you started crying because you thought he was going to eat the dolphins while Logan just thought it was because you let go of the balloon you were holding and it flew away."

I smiled as I remembered that day, after telling Logan, who was promising to buy me a new balloon, that I wasn't crying about that; Kyle had said that the seal was just playing with them because he was their friend and protected them, just like he did me. That sent me smiling and laughing almost immediately.

"When you left" Kyle's tone suddenly turned serious, distant. "I was so depressed at first but I kept telling myself you had no choice and then mom accidentally let it slip that she'd offered you to stay...well I guess that just made me mad. I mean I lost my best friend and she didn't even want to stay.  I just forced all my sadness to anger at you and I guess that's why I was such an asshole when you first came. I didn't see things from your point of view, all I knew was that you chose to leave."

I turned my head to look at him and saw the sorrow in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Alex. I was an asshole to you and I was acting like a kid. You didn't deserve everything I said and did to you...I'm sorry"

I stared at him for a while and felt the walls I put up begin to crumble. This was the Kyle I trusted and understood me. Before I even could think what I was doing the words slipped out of y mouth on my own.

"I keep thinking about it...what happened" I turned my had back to look out the window, not wanting to look at him and change my mind about what I wanted to say...what I hadn't even told Dr. Gillian. "I keep replaying it in my head over and over and over again. what I could've done, what I shouldn't have done. going over different scenarios over and over that wouldn't lead me to being raped." 

I could feel Kyle's eyes boring into the side of my face and for once I didn't feel numb, the tightening in my throat increased till my eyes watered. "There was a lot of things I could've done. I could've taken a cab instead of walking. I could've not gone at all, taken pepper spray or something to defend myself, not taken the shortcut...there was so much I could've done but I didn't...I didn't." The tears were falling freely now but I didn't care.

"Alex--"

"And even when I came here and found out I was pregnant" I choked on a sob "I wasn't careful and I lost him, I lost my baby and...and I'm just so tired of knowing that this is all my fault...that if I had done one thing different, maybe all of this wouldn't have happened. And that...and that kills me, it kills me everyday and it hurts every time I breath and every time I see what I've become...it hurts" I sobbed and hugged my knees, placing my head on them to hide my tears.

I felt Kyle move and for the first time; when he touched me, after initial hesitation, I let him and I wasn't scared. Seeing that I didn't flinch away, he carried me and placed me on his lap as I hugged him and cried. he didn't say anything, just brushed my hair softly and offered comforting words. It was only when my tears subsided a bit that he talked.

"You have to stop thinking about this, Al. It's not your fault, none of this is your fault. You couldn't have known, you need to stop blaming yourself or you can't move on."

"You really think I can move on from this? be normal?"

"I don't think; I know. You're so strong Alex even if you don't see it. You'll get through this, and I'll be with you every step of the way...I promise"

 we sat in silence for a while before I finally spoke "Hey kyle?" I said suddenly, looking up at him

"Yeah"

"Do you have a mate?" I felt him stiffen and looked up, I didn't want to voice my thoughts but I had a lot of time to think about all the hints Cole dropped when he was telling me about werewolves, and all of Kyle's actions.

"Yes"

"Who is she?"

"You" he said cautiously and I felt my eyes tearing up again, a panicked look came to Kyle's face as a few tears slipped my eyes "No, Alex...don't cry I-"

"I'm sorry" I said wiping my tears "I'm so sorry you have me as a mate. From what Cole told me you can't have another mate and our stuck with me..a broken mate" I said "I'm so sorry. I can't be like other girls and...be in a normal relationship where you kiss and ...and...I just can't and I'm so sorry you have to handle me"

"You're not scared of me?" Kyle asked in shock "You're not scared to be my mate?"

"From what Cole explained...you can't hurt me without hurting yourself and your wolf, we talked a lot about this subject before he convinced me no mate can hurt the other. But even if...I was, hesitant of you touching me a few days ago--which wasn't because I was scared it was because...I don't know i guess i was hurt--I still know that you wouldn't intentionally hurt me Kyle. I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few days and I realized that everything you did was to help me, you went at it the wrong way, but you did it for me. I'm so sorry I'm not the mate you deserve"

"No you're not the mate I deserve" Kyle said and I lowered my head but he immediately grabbed my chin with his thumb and forefinger and made me look up at him "Because I don't deserve you, Alex. Not one bit. From the way I've acted I'm surprised you didn't run for the hills as soon as you thought about me being your mate. I've messed things up and you still think of me so highly."

He chuckled and shook his head bringing his hand up and gently caressing my cheek with his knuckles, like I was the most fragile piece of art. "You're not broken Alex. Far from it...you may think you are. But a broken person doesn't have that spark in their eyes like you do, even after all of this. I don't care if you aren't ready to kiss or do other things with me. That's not what being a mate is about, its about being there for each other, like I'm always going to be there for you, no matter what. I want to make you laugh, happy, and take care of you so you never worry about a thing. No matter what happens I'm yours, Alex"

I just sat there smiling speechless at what he had just told me. He grinned at me and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear "Now come on, dinner should be ready soon, we'll watch some TV till it's ready."

I just nodded to him and hugged him before we both stood up and walked hand in hand downstairs, and for the first time in a long time...I didn't feel like the weight of the world was on my shoulders.