You'll Never Know

what I've done

Author's note!

I understand when you say that Alex is being dramatic but understand something, she was raped not too long ago. She cant think properly you need to realize that she wants to stop feeling controlled, she wants a choice and Kyle is taking it away from her because of his constant worrying. My dear, dear Kyle he's an amazing person but he's a bit too overprotective.

As for the idea before (I got some nw comments on my previous chapters I had to comment on) Alex wanted to keep the baby BECAUSE of her parents, she had never been taken care of and was always cast aside she couldn't give up the baby like he parents--in a sense--gave her up when they sent her to Kyle's family. Also she does have the means to take care of a baby, remember her parents are rich and never ask in any of the money she spends.

Plus Alex is still not over her rape, she's still in the first phases of getting over it so imagine the only person she can get close to without flinching betrays her trust, thats a big deal. Okay now, rant over.

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Also the oneshot contest has begun so if you want write a one-shot of one chapter (however number of pages you want) and including any of the characters in the 'mate or not' series. It could be about anything, and the winner will get a dedication. I will read and vote on their story (if they have one) and recommend it to people. So I'm waiting, and don't forget to dedicate them to me so that I can see them.

Anw the song for this chap is it's not over by second hand serenade

Vote, Comm, Enjoy :D

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"how is she?" I asked my mom as I walked up the stairs. I had to go for a run because I couldn't control my wolf after what I heard about Alex leaving and I ordered everyone not to unlock the door or let her out and to get her everything she needs in the room. My mom threw me an accusing look.

"I took her some food a while ago, But she didn't move to take it so I don't know if she has eaten it yet. Logan tried talking to her but it didn't work, not even with Sam" she said dryly and I flinched. My mom had never talked to me like that before

"I'll talk to her" I said and moved upstairs and knocked on Alex's door, there was no answer so I unlocked it and got inside. Alex was sitting on the window sill, hugging her knees and looking out the window, she didn't even look my way.

"Hey" I said moving towards her and sitting on the edge of her bed, facing her. "Tell me you won't leave Alex, and I'll let you go, swear to me you won't tell your parents you want to go" I knew Alex would never break a promise no matter what that's why I wanted her to promise me so that I would be sure that if I let her go she wouldn't go to her parents.

Alex finally turned her head to look at me and I grimaced at the look in her eyes; dull, emotionless. She was just angry at what I did, I told myself, she had the right to but she'll calm down once she promises me and I tell her about mates."Promise me, Alex"

She didn't answer, she just stared at me, almost as if she was seeing right through me and then turned her head back to look out the window. I looked at the tray on the bed next to me and found the food untouched. "You haven't eaten since his morning, Alex." I said moving the tray towards her "You need to get some food in you" She didn't answer and I felt myself go mad "Damn it, Alex. Just talk to me already" I yelled standing up

Alex looked at me again, but the same emotionless expression was on her face, she looked at the tray of food and then looked away again. "Fine, don't talk to me but you're going to eat Alex, I won' risk your health. Either you eat or I'll make you" I said not believing the words coming out of my mouth as I closed my eyes to reign my wolf in. Alex grabbed an apple from the tray and took a bite hastily.

I reached for Alex, wanting to get her to talk to me but she flinched back and looked up at me and the emotion that passed through her eyes killed me, fear. Alex was afraid of me, she flinched away from my touch, even when she came here she never did that, the mating bond made her trust me more than anyone else...but now...regret washed over me like a tide wave, what had I done?

"Alex...I..." I didn't know what to say as I lookd at her, cowering away from me. I turned away and left the room the only hought plaguing my mind was that I ruined everything.

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I sighed as I looked out the window, why was I reacting that way to Kyle, I shouldn't. I know Kyle won't hurt me, even though he locked me up he would never do anything to harm me. But I couldn't help myself, I felt my walls go back up especially when he said he'd force me to eat, I couldn't help it.

I felt like  was back to square one, back to the way I was when I first got here. I would've gone home, I wanted to after I realised that the fact that I was raped would always stay with Kyle and cause him to change from me. I ddn't want that, for some reason the idea of Kyle treating me different because of what happened hurt me more than all the pity stares and carelessness I went through with my parents.

"Alex?" The door opened and Logan came in again, he had tried talking to me and every time I wanted to answer I just couldn't bring myself to, I didn't know what was wrong with me,  just felt so empty, so numb. "I wish I could get Kyle not to do this, he ordered me as an alpha. Now I wish I never gave up the position to him"

I was surprised at the new information, I didn't know Logan gave up the position to Kyle. Though it makes sense seeing as he is the eldest. "Please don't starve yourself, okay? It would kill us all if your health became bad. Okay, Alex? Please"

I stared at him for a while before I forced myself to nod and Logan smiled at me "I'm so sorry for this, Alex. Kyle shouldn't have done that, but he meant well. He just couldn't handle losing you, none of us can, but Kyle the most. You'll understand soon enough."

I looked down and faintly nodded, I heard Logan sigh "You don't know how much I want to hug you right now" Involuntarily I scooted away "I won't, Alex. I won't do anything unless you tell me to. I just miss hugging my best friend." I felt guilty, everything was my fault. I brought sadness and trouble everywhere I went.

I sighed as I heard the door close behind Logan and looked outside the window, it was going to rain, that much was obvious from the dark clouds in the sky. I looked to the forest and gasped at the sight of a wolf looking at me from the edge of the forest, just behind the trees. I shivered at the fear that prickled my spine. The wolf was looking at me as it slowly backed away and I had a feeling that it wasn't a good wolf, but I was wrong. I was positive, I wasn't about to go telling people I had a feeling there was a bad wolf, I'd cause more drama and probably be one hundred percent wrong. 

I closed my eyes and grabbed a pillow hugging it to my chest as I closed my eyes and cried for the person I was, the person I am now, and the person everyone sees and treats differently.

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I know its a short, but is a start after I the writer's block I had due to some hateful messages I had been getting, chapters will be up faster from now on guys. Hope you like it.