You'll Never Know

Freak Out

NEW CHAPTER. YAAAY It's been long and this chapter isn't edited btw but at least it's here huh? :P

Vote, Comm, Enjoy :D

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Alex's P.O.V.

"Okay Alex I just want you to know that I'm not here to pressure you into saying anything to me. We'll only talk about what makes you comfortable" The therapist said as I sat facing her. It was my first session and I had gone without fight. I hadn't talked to Kyle, Logan or anyone else in the Blake family even though Kyle was the one who drove me to the phsyciatrist's office.

I nodded without answering and she tried again "Why didn't you want to come here Alex?"

"Because I don't want to" I answered simply "I'm not some gimme pig you can experiment on to see how it responds"

"No one said you were" She said "But it's been proved that a traumatic experience needs counseling or else you won't be the same again"

I laughed humorlessly "I'm already not the same as I was"

"We can change that" she said "You can get your old personality back if you want to. of course it won't be easy you'll have to open up."

"What if I don't want to?" I snapped at her

"Then you let the people who did you wrong win" she shrugged "They changed you, affected you just like they wanted to" she stood up and walked to her desk putting her papers on it "I can see you don't want any help, I'm sorry for that but I'll tell the Susan that you don't need counseling. I hope everything works out for you"

I sat there silently, was I really letting them win? Can therapy really help me? But what if it doesn't? Can I really stay the way I am? Scared of people touching me and coming too close.

"I can't get too close to any guy without flinching" I said looking down at my hands "Even the guys I know wouldn't hurt me. I just can't. I have nightmares" I felt my eyes start to water "Almost every night  it's like a repeat of what's happening and I can't make them stop, it's like the same thing is happening to me over and over again."

"These nightmares are constant?" 

"Yes, almost every night except..." I trailed on realizing something for the first time.

"Exept what?"

"When Kyle is sleeping beside me" I said in shock "A fw times Kyle has slept beside me and I don't have any nightmares then"

The psyciatrist didn't seem surprised and just nodded "And you and Kyle are close?"

"We used to be before I moved. And when I came back, even though we didn't get along at first, we got close again but...not now"

"Why?"

"Because he didn't give me a choice and forced me to come here" I said "I got so mad, I begged him not to let me do this but he wouldn't budge."

"Did you think maybe he was doing it for your own good?"

"I know he is" I said "But he could've faced me in a different way, talked to me rationally like you just did. he could've used a different way. He shouldn't have taken the choice away from me like...like" I loked down again "Like what they did"

"have you told him that?" She asked and I shook my head 

"No I haven't talked to him since" I said and she nodded

"Okay Alex, Our hour is almost over so I'm going to tell you what we're going to be working on. We'll only discuss daily happenings for now, how your experience is affecting you. And when you feel comfortable we'll discuss what happened that night"