Spots Off 🐞 (A Miraculous Ladybug Fanfiction)

10- Better Safe Than Sorry

⚠️Trigger Warning: Mention of Suicide⚠️

Adrien's POV

"Goodnight, Marinette."

"Goodnight, Adrien."

She closes the door and I start walking back to my room. "I'm so stupid, Plagg. I can't believe I made that dumb comment about that guy. Maybe I should think twice before I speak."

"Yeah, that was kind of dumb," Plagg insults, burping. He just finished his dinner, or what he calls snack number one. "Even I would never say something as ridiculous as that."

"Not helping." I shut and lock my door behind me and look around my room with a sigh. I'd rather by anywhere in the world but here. I hate it here.

I hate living with a father who can't even eat dinner with me.

I hate creeps that make amazing girls like Marinette uncomfortable.

I hate a world that doesn't have Ladybug in it, and most of all I hate missing her and not being able to do a single thing about it.

"It's not fair," I whisper, quietly sobbing as my shoulders shake. "It's not fair! Why does Ladybug have to go? Why couldn't Master Fu do something? Why couldn't I do something?" In an angry moment, I grab the remote and throw it at the TV. The screen cracks.

"Adrien!" Plagg warns and he flies over and sits on my hand as I reach for another thing to throw. "Stop! Your dad is gonna hear you!"

"I don't care, Plagg! I don't care anymore!" I shake my kwami off and stomp up the spiral staircase to the second floor in my room. I grab and throw every video game case. "I hate it here. I hate living with a father who can't be in the same room as me for longer than five minutes, who can't even look at me! Who can't even accept me for who I am and tries to control every aspect of my life, including how much I eat in a day! Who can't even show the tiniest bit of love and affection and it sucks. It freaking sucks." I kick the railing and sob. "Ladybug was the only person who made living here bearable."

"B-But you have all these cool things in your room." Plagg flies over to the piano and plays a few notes, and gestures to the other gifts my father gave me. "Don't you like being in your room?"

"I didn't mean in my room, Plagg," I whisper, closing my eyes tight. "I meant just... living."

He comes over and sits on the railing in front of me. "What do you mean, Adrien?"

I hate my dad. I hate my life, and I'm done. I'm done with it all. Grabbing the small plate from the cabinet, I place it beside Plagg on the bed and chuckle as he sniffs it out in his sleep and devours it whole. "You pig," I whisper and my smile fades into a frown. "I'm sorry, my friend. I hope you can forgive me." I walk over to my desk and reach inside my trophy, feeling around until I find what I'm looking for. I sit down, accidentally bumping the mouse, and the screensaver pops up. A picture of me and my mom. I smile as tears blur my vision and force myself to look away. Mom would understand if she were still here. She wouldn't blame me. I turn my hand over and stare at the bottle of painkillers. There's sixty in here. I wonder how many it would take to kill me?

Better safe than sorry.

I hear soft tapping and jolt out of my thoughts and look towards the window. Ladybug waves.

I jump up, drop the painkillers back in the trophy, and run over to let her in. "Ladybug? What are you doing here?"

Ladybug ignores eye contact as she looks around my room. "I wanted to thank you, in person, for what you did. For stopping that man. Before, you know..."

"Oh." I scratch the back of my neck, flustered. "You're welcome."

I clear my throat, and explain. "Months ago before Ladybug and I started dating, my father forced me to go on a business trip with him to Tokyo. The fourth one in three months. You remember, right? You wouldn't stop talking about trying Japanese cheese." I chuckle and wipe under my eyes. "It was getting worse. The abuse, the neglect, and I was done. I was done with it all. I..." I laugh again, even though it's not funny. "I had planned it out and everything. When your father leaves you alone all the time, all you have are your thoughts, and mine tend to wander. But then Ladybug showed up out of nowhere." A smile grows on my face as I remember that night. "It was perfect timing, almost, when she showed up. You were sleeping, Plagg, but I had a bottle of painkillers in my hand and I was ready to take them all. Every last one."

"Adrien..." Plagg hugs my face and nuzzles against my cheek. "I-I had no idea. I'm so sorry."

"Ladybug showed up and it was like it didn't matter anymore," I continue. "My pain, the negative thoughts, the horrible impulses. They all went away. With her around, I never thought about them, and I actually thought things would get better. I did get better. But now she's gone and..." I stare down at my shaking hands and try to ignore the craving. "A-And it's back. The pain, the negative thoughts, those horrible, horrible impulses." I look over the railing and stare at the trophy on the shelf. I can just barely see the bottle peeking out. "Plagg, you have no idea how hard it is to resist."

"I'm so sorry, Adrien. I've been the worse kwami ever. I should have noticed." Plagg leans back and slaps me across the face. "As long as I'm around, I will make sure nothing bad happens to you. I will not lose another Cat Noir."

"Another?" I question, confused. "But haven't the previous cat miraculous holders before me died?"

Plagg nods. "Yes, but only one to suicide." He turns away from me and whispers, "I didn't notice. I missed all the signs. He was already gone when I realized and... it was too late." He looks at me now. "I made a promise to never let a future holder feel like that, and I never break a promise."

Now I'm crying again. "Thanks, Plagg. It really means a lot getting this off my chest. I never told anymore before."

"Even if Ladybug's gone for now, you still have someone." Plagg grabs my jacket sleeve and tugs me towards the desk. He taps something on my keyboard and a picture of me and Marinette pops on the screen. "You still have her. Isn't she with living for, too?"

Yes, Marinette is, but I don't know if it's enough.

"Now, we need to get rid of that temptation," Plagg speaks again and I find myself lost in a trance as I stare at the photo. "Flush those painkillers down the toilet so we don't have to worry about anything."

"You're right, Plagg." I reach inside the trophy and grab the plastic bottle. My kwami follows me and watches as I open the bottle and dump the pills, flushing. Something in my stomach knots as I watch the pills disappear.

Plagg pats my shoulder. "Don't you feel better already? Now, where's my cheese?" He asks himself as he leaves the bathroom.

I lift the bottle and read the label: anti-nausea capsules. "Sorry, Plagg." I toss the empty bottle in the trash and get ready for bed.

Better safe than sorry.