The Choice (a Painful Past)

30

"She's got a boyfriend and I don't want to lose her friendship. I don't have that many friends, as it is." He said.

My heart hurt for him, from the sadness that I heard in his voice.

"Maybe she'll come around. Dump whoever she's with and realize that you're the one for her." I replied.

He laughed.

"Yeah, that would be a dream, but I'm not holding my breath."

"Still not gonna tell me her name?" I asked.

I had been begging him for 2 months to tell me who he was crushing on, but he just wouldn't.

"Nope, not gonna happen." He replied, with laughter in his voice.

I was glad that he had perked up a little.

"UUGH, so not fair!" I exclaimed. "I tell you EVERYTHING!"

"Well, that's your choice." He laughed. "This is just something that I'm not ready to share yet. No one knows about it. I promise that you'll be the first to know, if I ever take that chance."

"Fiiine-ah." I replied, huffing out a breath.

We were both laughing at each other, when I received a text from Will.

"Hey, watcha doing?" It read.

I sighed and texted him back. I was enjoying talking to Colby, so I kind of hoped that Will wouldn't want to chat long.

"Nothing. Just relaxing." I responded.

"Callie, did you hear me?" Colby asked.

"What? Sorry, no, I got distracted. What did you say?" I asked.

"I asked where Will was at. He's usually there on the weekends, right?" He repeated.

I didn't tell anyone that he was usually here every fucking night. I knew that, if other moms found out, then it wouldn't look good for my mom. She wasn't being a bad parent.

She just trusted way too easily, and wanted to help everyone. Just like with me telling her that Kat and Sherri were always off drinking nowadays. She wouldn't tell their parents.

Even though Sherri's mom was her sister, she still wouldn't narc on them. She had even given Sherri breath mints before, when we had been at her place, and Sherri had come home early one evening, smelling like alcohol. She wouldn't tell on them, unless she thought they were in danger.

She may have trusted me a little too much, and thought that I wouldn't lie to her.

"Oh." I replied to Colby. "Well, yeah, he's usually here but Dustin asked him to come hang out tonight, so he did."

"Hmm." He replied, sounding suspicious.

"What?" I asked. "Why are you making that sound?"

Another text notification from Will came in, but I swiped it away to finish this with Colby. I'd text him back, after I found out why Colby had made that sound.

"Nothing, no reason." He said.

I groaned.

"Uugh, Colby Brock, I hate it when you do that! Why did you make the sound?" I asked, in frustration.

"It's nothing, Callie!" He replied. "I was just thinking that you don't really hang out anymore, but it's okay for him to? I don't know. Just doesn't seem right to me."

"Oh my God." I said. "It's not that I can't hang out with anyone anymore, Colby. I just choose not to. I like spending time with him, and I'm kind of sick of the drinking scene. That's never really been me."

"Okay, I get that, but I know he drinks pretty often." He replied. "So, what's the difference in seeing him drunk and seeing your friends drunk?"

I rolled my eyes at his question. "There is no difference, except that he doesn't drink every weekend. They do. Anyway, I didn't call you to be lectured." I replied. "So, I'm gonna go. I have some things that I need to do anyway."

"No, Callie, wait!" He exclaimed. "I'm sorry. I'll shut up about it, I promise. I didn't mean to start anything. I won't say another word about it." I was silent for a long moment, until he called my name again. "Um, Callie? You still there?" He asked.

"Yes, I'm still here." I replied, still annoyed that he had turned our fun phone call into this.

"I said never mind." He reminded me. "You insisted that I answer you."

"You're supposed to stop talking about it, Colby." I replied, through gritted teeth.

I knew he was kind of right about me not hanging out with anyone, but still. It was my business. Yes, Will did tend to get annoyed if I went somewhere and he didn't have plans, but that was fine.

It just meant that he wanted to spend time with me.

"Yeah, sorry." He said again, blowing out a breath. "Let's change the subject. What's going on with you and Will? Anything new?"

"Wellll," I replied, drawing out the word. "Yeah, kind of."

"Well, don't make me beg." He responded, with a short laugh.

"I'm not sure that I should tell you." I replied. "I don't want to start another argument."

"We did not have an argument." He said. "We had a discussion. Tell me what's going on. Sounds like you need to talk about it anyway, whatever it is."

I sighed heavily. "I do, Colby. I really do, but don't judge, okay?"

"I promise that I won't judge you or Will. If I do, then I'll do it silently." He replied.

I rolled my eyes and smiled.

"Okay, I guess that'll have to work, because I really do need to talk about it, and you're the only person that I talk to anymore. So, our three month anniversary is coming up. Next weekend, actually. Will...well, he wants to make it special. Like, really special. He wants to, um, he wants to do, uh," I stammered out, unable to actually say it.

Even though, I told Colby practically everything, it didn't feel right telling him this.

"Just spit it out, Cal." He said.

"Okaaaay." I groaned. "I'm trying. Will wants to...tohavesex." I rushed the last few words, running them together.

Colby was silent on the other end of the phone for a minute. I didn't say anything, because I knew he was processing it. Finally, he responded.

"Is that something that you want to do?" He asked.

Damn it. I wasn't ready to answer him, just like I wasn't ready to answer Will.

"I don't know." I whispered.

Some kind of emotion was washing over me, bringing tears to my eyes. It took me a minute to realize that it was fear.

"I'm scared." I replied. "I don't know if I'm ready for something that huge...but I don't want to tell him no, either."