The Choice (a Painful Past)

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It didn't matter that he had made an actual career out of hurting me. I didn't want to be the cause of anyone's pain, and I didn't want anyone mad at me. And I didn't know how to live without him.

Even though I didn't love him like I used to, even though he had hurt me so much, and even though he only made my life worse. I didn't know how to be without him. He was all I knew.

I mean, Christ, I was a child when we first got together, and it shoved me into adulthood before I was ready. So, that was part of it too.

If I wasn't Will's girlfriend, then who was I? Because Callie didn't exist alone anymore. Hell, I didn't even know any new music from the past time we had been together, unless it was something that he listened to.

So, even though it was a horrible existence, it was the only existence that I knew. I knew that I could handle this one, but I wasn't sure that I could handle anything different. I didn't like change.

Denise was stronger than me. She always had been, but if she could do it, then so could I. I guess seeing her leave after being with him for so long, showed me that I wasn't stuck.

That I could actually leave, if I just had the courage and the strength to do it. So, I bided my time and waited. Until, one day, God helped me out.

My brother blew up at Will, because he didn't want to help mow the grass. Will complained because he was rearranging the living room furniture, but no one had asked him to do that. The grass needed to be cut, and he was in better shape than my brother, plus he wasn't working.

So, Jimmy went off. He told Will that he was a worthless piece of shit and that he wished his sister had never even met him. Will was never brave enough to talk shit back to any of my family so, instead, he came inside and started yelling at me about how much of a dick my brother was.

He started packing his clothes, as I stood at the door and watched him.

Was this my chance? A small flower of hope started to bud inside my chest, as I stood there quietly.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore. He hates me and expects me to do everything, just because I'm not working right now. When he moves out, I'll come back, but I can't live with him." He said, still shoving clothes into a garbage bag.

I nodded, but didn't reply.

"Hey, can I borrow your phone? I threw mine when I got mad and it busted." He asked, holding up his shattered phone for me to see.

I pulled mine out of my pocket and gave it to him, no questions asked. Then, I turned and walked back into the living room. I felt like I was in a haze.

My initial reaction was to beg him to stay, just like I had before, but I didn't. I wasn't going to. Not this time.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there, pondering this, before he walked into the living room and handed me my phone.

"Hey, I'm sorry, okay?" He said, taking my silence for sadness. "I don't want to leave and I still love you. I just can't live with your brother."

I nodded again and gave him a small smile. "I know. I get it." I replied, quietly, then hung my head.

I couldn't look him in the eyes. If I did, then I might be tempted to tell him to stay and was determined not to.

"Okay, well, I only have a little more to get today. Maybe you can pack up whatever else of mine that is left and bring it to me sometime tomorrow or this week. You can bring Ben down this weekend, and we can all hang out." He replied.

I nodded again, and felt the tears well up in my eyes. I wouldn't be going down there this weekend. I already knew that I wouldn't.

If I could stay strong.

"We'll be okay, Baby. Don't worry." He said, then leaned down and pressed his soft lips to mine.

The dam holding the tears back almost broke, but I somehow managed to keep them at bay.

"I know." I lied, giving him another sad smile.

"Good." He replied, smiling back. "I'll let you know when I'm finished so you can get me the fuck out of this hellhole."

"Okay." I sighed.

He walked back to the room, so I took the opportunity to scroll social media. We were both still on Facebook, even though I hated it.

I tried to move to Instagram, but Will didn't like it and kept berating me for being on "that stupid app," so I quit going on there.

I opened Facebook and started to scroll. Then, a message popped up from someone that I knew, but didn't talk to.

Some girl from school.

"Yeah, you can come over. I need more than that quickie that I got last weekend. You can show me what that tongue does again too. I need a reminder."

What the fuck? I was so confused at first.

Why was she messaging me this?

Did she accidently send it to me? That wouldn't be possible though, because we had never talked. That's when I noticed that I wasn't logged into my Facebook at all.

No, Will had logged into his and forgotten to log out. I felt sick to my stomach. I scrolled up and read the messages that they had been sending each other for the past two weeks.

Every disgusting detail, with pictures to emphasize their points. Every time that I thought he went to work, he was at her house. Every time that I thought he was at Dusty's, he was with her. Fucking her, telling her that he loved her and her body.

My small amount of self confidence plummeted. She was way bigger than me, and even though I didn't like to judge other females, because I knew I wasn't pretty, she looked like a smushed faced bulldog. That was probably just the anger making me think like that, but it did nothing for my confidence.

If he wanted to be with her, then I really was an ugly piece of shit. I didn't want to keep dealing with this. I didn't have to deal with it, or anything from anyone new.

I would rather be alone, than to keep living like this. That made up my mind, but I still couldn't tell him.

So, I took my phone in there, and tossed it at him.

"Whoa, what the fuck, Callie?! You almost hit me!" He exclaimed. "Why do I need your phone?"