The Choice (a Painful Past)

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I kind of hoped that he wouldn't see it, for that reason, but then I hoped that he would at least send Ben a message, if he could. Just so I could see the smile on the kid's face. I was torn.

It probably didn't matter anyway. He wouldn't see it. There were too many people trying to talk to him and Colby.

"Why didn't you just send Colby a message? He knew you better than Sam did." My subconscious decided to blurt out.

"Because Ben wants to talk to Sam." I whispered. "That's the only reason."

"Sure, it is. Couldn't be because you're scared to talk to him, or anything." She replied.

"Shut up." I muttered. "Great, now I'm going crazy, talking to myself. I need to go to bed."

I stood up and started to put all of the leftover food and drinks away. The mess could wait until tomorrow though. I was more tired than I realized.

God, what time was it? I checked my phone and gasped when I saw that it was 6 am. I had stayed up all night, watching Sam and Colby.

How the fuck did that happen? I could never sleep past 7 am on a regular morning, so this was going to be a rough day.

I looked down at Ben and thought about waking him, so that he could go to his bed, but decided against it. There was no point.

Instead, I dragged his feet up onto the couch, pulled his socks and shoes off, and covered him with a blanket. I leaned down and kissed his forehead and smiled.

"Forever n ever babe." I whispered.

That night started a ritual. We would cook dinner, then me, Ben, and Mom, would all sit in the living room and watch Sam and Colby videos. Then I discovered that they each had personal channels.

So, we started watching those. I found myself watching everything that I could find with them in it. I devoured the videos on my own, when Ben was in school.

Their lives were amazing. They traveled and had so much fun with their friends. I found out that they were living in their own apartments now, but Sam and Colby were right next to each other.

I smiled at that. The guys had such a strong bond, and I was happy that they had each other. I was a little jealous of how carefree their lives seemed.

They had done really well for themselves. I remembered talking to Colby about how I loved Halloween and all things spooky. Now, here I was watching them travel to other countries, to investigate supposedly haunted places.

I yearned to be there with them.

A few weeks passed, but I still watched their videos as much as I could. I was always busy with all of my daily chores and errands, so I didn't always have time. Ben and the other kids started to tease me about watching them all the time.

"I think she's in love with Colby." Ben said, laughing.

"I am not." I replied, rolling my eyes. "He was my best friend. I just want to know what they've been up to. It's amazing to me, that they've come so far. You know, he invited me to come to LA with them, when they first left."

I watched, as their eyes grew wide in surprise. "No WAY!" Destiny exclaimed.

"Yes way." I laughed.

"Then why are you still HERE? Why didn't you go?" She asked, dumbfounded.

"Because...I don't know, really. I was scared to leave everything behind. I guess I just like to stay in my comfort zone." I replied. "Besides, if I had gone, then I wouldn't be here with you guys right now."

"I'm glad you didn't go." Ben said, quietly.

I reached over and hugged him to me for a second.

"Me too, buddy." I said. "So, you guys wanna watch the Midnight Man videos of Sam's?" I asked, as I snatched the remote out of Ben's hands.

"YEEAAAHH!" They all cheered.

I expected the questions to stop, but they didn't.

"Did you ever ask Sam to talk to me?" Ben asked.

I nodded.

"I did, baby. I told you not to get your hopes up though. He will probably never see it."

"I know." He said, a little sadly. "I would just really like to talk to him. Thank you for trying."

"Maybe one day, it'll happen." I replied, unable to watch his dream die. "We'll keep trying, okay?"

"Okay." He said, smiling at me. "Thanks, Mama."

"You're welcome." I replied.

I didn't want to annoy Sam or Colby, but one or two more attempts couldn't hurt. Besides, I was just fulfilling my promise again.

I sighed and took out my phone, while the kids shrieked with the Midnight Man video. This series of Sam's was one of my favorites. I wasn't sure if I actually believed what happened in the videos, but it was definitely entertaining to watch.

Sam's girlfriend, Kat, was in this one, along with one of their friends named Brennen.

I opened the Instagram app and looked up Sam's page again. I shot him one more message, then went to their duo account. Couldn't hurt to try this one too.

I sent the same message to that account, then went to Colby's page. I was hesitant to send one to his page, and I didn't really know why. Maybe I was ashamed of how stupid I had been with Will, and I knew that Colby knew that side of me.

I was pathetic. Or maybe I was ashamed of letting our friendship die, just because of Will. He had always been jealous of Colby.

I think I subconsciously let our friendship die, because I knew that Will was uncomfortable with it. I was always having to explain things about Colby to him back then. I sighed and started to type.

I had promised Ben that I would try.

"Hey Colby. Um, how have you been? It's been a long time. I'm sorry that I didn't keep in touch. Things have been crazy for me. I've been watching your videos lately. It seems like you guys have really made it. I'm proud of you. Oh, I finally broke up with Will. For good this time. It's been months and I have no urge to take him back. I do still love him, but not like before. He's seeing someone else now, so he hasn't been as annoying as usual. Um, what else? Oh, I'm a mom now. No, I didn't have a kid with Will lol. I adopted my nephew, Ben."