The Choice (a Painful Past)

143

My dad dying at age 55, when I was 10, proved my point. I didn't know how much longer my mom had, and it scared me to think about her leaving this Earth.

I shook the dark thoughts from my head and messaged Colby back really quick, before I could change my mind.

"Sure, I'd love to! I have some things that I need to finish up around the house, but it shouldn't take too long. What did you have in mind?" I hit send, got up to fix Mom's coffee, and carried it to her.

She was still sleeping, but it was time for her to take her medicine, so I had to wake her.

"Mom." I said, shaking her arm a little. "Mom, it's time to wake up."

She blinked her eyes at me, blearily. "Oh, okay." She murmured.

After she finally got herself into a sitting position, with her back against the wall, I handed her the coffee. She scooted over a little in the bed and patted the space next to her. I smiled and crawled into bed beside her, leaning my back against the wall.

"So, tell me about the party." She said, sleepily.

Her voice was still a little husky from sleep.

"Okay. I don't have the pictures yet, but I'll make sure that Denise sends them to me today." I replied.

I pulled out my phone and started showing her each one that I had, making sure that I told her, in great detail, what exactly was happening in each picture.

Then, I came across one that stole my breath. I didn't take this picture.

Who had my phone? It was of me and Colby, dancing.

"Ohhh, I like that one. Look at the smile on your face. Callie, you look so happy. I haven't seen that look on your face in a long time. You look...relaxed." Mom said.

I had to admit that she was right. I looked more stress free than I had felt in a long time. The picture had been caught in mid spin, when Colby was spinning me back out, away from his chest.

I was laughing. I didn't even remember laughing. I remembered being really tense about dancing with him, but then letting go in a way that I hadn't done since I was a kid.

"I don't know who took this." I whispered, staring at the picture.

"Well, thank whoever it was, when you find out. I want this one printed and put on my wall." Mom replied.

"Oh my God, no." I laughed. "Let's keep going."

I scrolled through the pics, making sure that she knew every detail, and effectively getting her mind off of printing a picture of me and Colby to hang on her wall. That was just weird to me. She had only met him like twice, when we first became close.

We had a really good talk and laughed over some of the crazier pictures. When I ran out of pics to explain, I still lay there, with my mom, and watched an episode of one of our favorite shows. I loved spending time with her, when the anxiety wasn't turning me into a crazy bitch.

I could get so short tempered, but I didn't mean to. I just got overwhelmed so easily, then I would snap. Especially when other kids came over, because they loved to argue about every little thing.

I couldn't deal with that shit.

"Okay, Momma." I said, when the episode was over. "I have some things to do, then I'm gonna go hang out with Colby for a little while. I'm gonna come home and get my car, before I go to their little party tonight though."

"What party? You didn't tell me about that." She replied.

Shit. I had forgotten. It wasn't that I had to tell her everything that I was doing, but I didn't want her to worry, especially if I didn't plan on coming home until late.

"Sorry!" I exclaimed. "I forgot. Sam and Colby are just having a small get together in their hotel room tonight. I don't plan on drinking, so I'll be fine to drive, but I will be home late. So, don't wait up for me, okay? Promise?"

She smiled and shook her head. "Nope. I will always wait up for you. I need to know that my baby girl is safe."

I rolled my eyes and smiled. "You're impossible." I replied.

"Would you wait up for Ben?" She asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Well, yeah, but he's a kid." I answered, thinking that it was totally different.

I was a grown ass adult.

"You're a kid too, Callie. You're my kid. I still see you as that little girl who wore pigtails and bows in her hair. Just like you still see Ben as that scared 8 year old little boy, who had no one." She said, quietly.

I sat there, realizing how right she was.

"I'll call you before I leave, okay? If I drink, then I'll call and let you know that someone else will drive me, or I'll stay with someone for the night. I'll be careful. I promise." I said, as I leaned over to hug her and kiss her cheek.

She squeezed me tightly for a moment, then let me go.

"Thank you. Now, go do what you need to do, so you can get all pretty for Colby."

I leaned back and let my mouth drop open. "What?! He's my friend! Why does everyone keep saying things insinuating that we're more than that?!" I exclaimed.

She laughed and patted my hand.

"A mother just knows these things." She replied.

"Sorry, Mom, but I think you're wrong this time. You know, it is possible for you to be wrong." I responded, with a short laugh.

"When have I ever been wrong?" She asked.

I thought about it.

"Um, I can't think of anything right now, but that doesn't mean that it hasn't happened." I said, as I started to walk out of her room.

Her laughter followed me into mine. I couldn't help but to smile at her teasing. She was wrong this time though.

There was nothing between me and Colby, except friendship. That's all there had ever been, except for that one time when I saw him with that girl, and I thought that I might have feelings for him. All of that was ancient history though.

He was just my old best friend that I had missed more than I realized.

Thinking about that, I realized that I had better finish up my chores, so that I could go hang out with him. I wondered what he wanted to do. I threw a load of clothes into the washing machine, swept the floors, and threw a meal together and put it in the crock pot, so that they could just eat in about 6 hours.

After I finished everything, I messaged Colby.

"Hey, where are we going? I need to know how to dress."

While I waited for him to answer, I went ahead and threw on some light makeup.

Why was I doing that? I never wore makeup, unless it was some sort of special occasion. It was too early to fix my face for their party.

Why was I putting makeup on, just to go hang out with Colby? I didn't have an answer, so I pushed the thought away and continued fixing my mascara.

"Good enough." I told my reflection, as I checked her out.

Not bad, but definitely not something incredible.

I looked away and picked up my phone. When I saw that Colby had messaged me back, I was surprised that I felt a little excited.