Not good for you

44;

I tried to sleep but the thoughts wouldn't stop racing in my mind.

I kept tearing myself up about whether I wanted to have another serious relationship or not. On the other hand, I felt sick for falling into a situation like that.

My heart was aching for Seeley and the life he has had to have. No one deserved to go through something like that and on top of that, he fled into an abusive relationship.

I didn't think I could ever forgive myself for that.

However, Perkyn was like a dream coming true. He was a little awkward but he was funny and always made sure I felt good about myself. He has never missed a chance to make my food which was still something new and incredible thing to experience.

He cared for me but Seeley has been in love with me for years now.

I had a feeling that I owed Seeley that but then I reminded myself if I wouldn't be devoted to a relationship with him then it wouldn't be fair for me to choose him.

But if I'd choose Perkyn, we wouldn't have that much time together since we lived in different towns. Maybe meeting at the weekends would work but after a while, I'd want to live with my significant other.

Could I imagine myself moving here if things go that far?

I had no idea.

I would have never thought that I'd experience something like this. Had to choose between two boys who both wanted the best for me while I was full of flaws and kept making mistakes.

And the fact that they were brothers made it even more complicated.

I knew that they didn't know each other and didn't know if they would ever try to reach out to each other – knowing Seeley, he probably would never.

I didn't think it was up to me to ruin the chance of them being brothers someday.

Three soft knocks dragged me out of my heavy thoughts that kept pulling me back into the alley of questions and heartbreaks.

"Yes?"

The door opened and I saw Seeley's torn and tired face in my vision. There were dark circles under his eyes, making me wonder if he could sleep a little or has he had been awake the whole time since we got home to torn himself.

"Can I come in?"

I sat up and pulled my legs up.

"Yes, of course."

He gave me a shy nod before closing the door and walking in. To my surpirse, he walked over to me and sat down at the bottom of my bed, not far from my legs.

"How are you feeling?" I asked even though his face gave it all away.

He turned to me and shrugged.

"I'll live." His voice was deep and void.

I could do anything to bring back the smile on his face but it seemed like it was impossible to get his brain to turn off for a minute.

"Were you talking with Leigh?" He asked and I hummed. "I heard you talking with someone on the phone an hour ago or so."

I leaned back and dropped my gaze to my hands in my lap. Should I tell him that I was talking to his brother?

Would that mean that I betrayed him?

"No, I uh... Perkyn called me to see if I was okay." I admitted, a little afraid of his reaction.

He stared at me with an unreadable expression before he frowned.