Welcome to Your Last Race (Street Racers #3)

20. Taehyung

I wake up in bed, with a tongue on my face. But it's not the same day. It's not the day after that night. My head feels stuffed with wool, and I only manage to mindlessly pet Boogie as he keeps on licking my face. An arm is wrapped tightly around my waist, and I look back in terror. Breathing in relief when I see Wooshik. And then I'm terrified again.

I'm all over the place.

And he's awake. Still here...

"You're up," I mumble, hyper aware of my... mental breakdown from that night. God, when was that? And what happened later? Where was I?

Wooshik nods. Boogie is already comfortable at our feet, his favorite spot, and I slowly twist around to face him.

This is the first time I feel alive in... some time.

"How many days have passed since... that night?" I ask.

He looks like it's the most normal question one could ask. "Three days."

"I don't remember a single thing from those days," I whisper. The last time I was like that, this body-less head space, was over two years ago, after the crash.

He pulls me closer, leaves a kiss on my forehead and brushes my hair. "You slept most of the time. Didn't talk to anyone. You were... just not here. Mentally. Are you feeling different now?"

"I feel like I'm in my body again," I say. All I know is that I feel relieved to see him. Then the pressure in my brain hits. "My head hurts like shit, though."

"You refused to eat for three days. It's a miracle I forced you to drink water," he says and then smiles. "I'm so glad you're talking to me now. I was... so worried about you." The last part comes out as a whisper and he looks into my eyes. "Not only me, though."

"What do you mean?"

"Boogie didn't leave your side. Also, Jungkook and Yeeun are asleep on our couch right now."

My chest tightens.

"Tell me when you're ready to talk about it, okay?" he says, brushing my hair back.

To talk about it. I guess it's high time I did. I need to clear up my head. I feel like so much has happened, and like it all happened at the same time.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "No. I love you. I want you to be happy. And I don't want you to be in pain."

"I messed up so bad, didn't I?"

"You didn't mess up anything, my love. You're just struggling. And this is no one's fault."

I want to protest, but the 'my love' part is the only one I can focus on. It hurts, for some reason.

"How do you still love me? This is... the worst of me you've ever seen," I mutter.

"But it's still you. And I love you. All of you." Wooshik sighs. "Why do you not look like you believe me?"

I chew my dry lips. "I don't know. It's too good to be true. For you to love me when I'm like that."

"I'm in it for everything, Taehyung. Not only good days," he says. "The best of you, the worst of you. I don't care. I love you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really." The patience this man has, I swear.

I don't have the energy to keep anything in. Not now. I feel the weakest and open and raw. I just want to spit everything, except that I'm too tired for it now.

"You're not gonna leave if sometimes I'm a mess like this?" I ask, going for something I can handle now.

"No."

"And if sometimes I can't do it alone, can I tell you about it? About the things that suck?"

"Please, do. Every little thing that sucks. And those that don't suck. Tell me about everything."

A laugh slips out of me. "I have no idea what's going on in my head right now."

"You don't have to. Just be here with me, okay? I'm not going anywhere."

"Wooshik."

He holds tighter. "Yeah?"

I'm so grateful you're a part of my life, and I love you. I love you so much I can't handle it sometimes, is what I want to say, but I'm crying instead.

He presses a kiss to my forehead. For the first time in what feels like forever, when I hide my face in his chest, and everything is dark and warm, I feel okay. Hopeful. For the first time in a while, I feel like I could be alright again.

"What's going on with the races?" I ask, when the tears stop coming.

"They are postponed. Let's not bring it up now."

"I'll be ready to talk about it later," I say. "I want to."

"With me? Or with all of us?"

"With you for now," I say. "I will have to talk to Jungkook, though. I was such a dick again."

"He knows you struggled. And so does Yeeun. We're here for you. Not to fight against you. We're fighting for you. And we'll keep on doing this." He runs his fingers through my hair and I start drifting off again. "You'll be okay, love. I know it."

"Tired."

"Sleep as much as you need."

"Will you be here?"

"Always."

At the brink of falling asleep, I manage to add, "I never wanted you away."

And I fall asleep when he says, "I know," and kisses my forehead.