Welcome to Your Last Race (Street Racers #3)

22. Taehyung

"It's gonna be alright," Wooshik says, drawing circles on my palm, as I stay seated in the car he parked five minutes ago.

"I know," I say.

"You're not moving."

"I'm nervous."

"Take your time." He gives a small chuckle. I know I'm being ridiculous. Nervous to talk to my own best friend.

"Okay, I'm ready," I say, five more minutes later. I'm not, but I can't act like this.

I'm in front of the apartment 61. Yeeun is supposed to be out. And while Jungkook won't pull anything out of me forcefully, I know I need this talk. And most importantly, I need to set things straight. Though I guess he knows I do want to be friends with him.

I knock. When the door swings open, Jungkook's looking surprisingly un-mad. I say 'surprisingly' like Wooshik didn't tell me sixteen times during this car ride that no one's mad at me. I flip it around – if it was one of them struggling and they told me shit like that, of course I wouldn't be mad. I would be worried as fuck.

He puts his hand out. For a handshake. My hand trembles as we do it.

And when we're done, he strides out and hugs me, fingers digging into my shoulders. I suddenly remember he was the first person to see me in the crash two years ago, and the only one to know it was not an accident. Since I was a teen, any time I came anywhere near thinking about ending my life, he was on my mind. That night, I don't remember what exactly was on my mind, but I know I was thinking about Jungkook.

And he was the only person seeing me push and pull between holding onto and letting go of my family in the Park Jimin season. He's seen everything I went through, and he's been there through all of it.

I don't think he realizes how important his role in my life is. Maybe I should express it better.

"I'm sorry," I say, hugging back.

"I'm gonna say it once and never again will you hear me being so cheesy."

"Say what?"

"I can't live without you."

"It's mutual, you know."

"Come on," he says. "Jurassic Park is on."

"Really?"

"Mhm. In HD."

There is one thing that I need to get out of myself immediately. So I do, as soon as we walk into the living room. "You know I didn't mean it?"

He looks back at me.

"I didn't mean that we shouldn't be friends or something. I didn't mean any of that shit I've said. I don't really remember what I was saying. It's like... back then. You know, those months before we made up. I was just... trying to push everyone away. I didn't want to wait until you left. I thought... you would. Sooner or later. It felt like that. In my head."

"Twenty years of being enemies didn't push me away, Taehyung. I think it's safe to say we'll reach at least ninety years old being friends." When I glance at his arm, it's kind of against myself. But he catches it and grins. "I am invincible, man."

"I'm sure you are."

His smile falls. "I wasn't mad when you said it. Or hurt, or anything. I didn't know what to do. I was scared.

"I didn't mean to freak you all out. I'm sorry."

It's when we sit in front of Jurassic Park that I break. And I talk. Talk, and talk, and talk. About the races, about the Japan Race, about how I've been feeling and what I've been doing. And then we get to the worst week, the last week. Talking about all of this again is painful, but he listens. He listens to everything, and somehow I get through it.