Welcome to Your Last Race (Street Racers #3)

33. Yeeun/Jungkook

Yeeun

Throughout the day, Jungkook has been sulking more and more, and now, during the race, he's full-on quiet and brooding. I tried to ask him, Taehyung tried, Wooshik tried, and he said he was fine every time. Which is bullshit.

And I'm getting tired.

When Taehyung and Sunhee are watching the start of the first race tonight, I pull Jungkook to the side.

"Can you quit?"

"Quit what?" he asks.

"Literally this. You're acting like you'd rather be anywhere else. If you didn't want to come-"

"I'm fine."

I sigh. "You can give this bullshit to everyone else, not me."

He rolls his eyes. Like he's the one who should be rolling his eyes. "Yeeun, I'm fine. It's just..."

"Just what, Jungkook?"

"Just... nothing. Just... okay, something. What is she doing here?"

"Who?"

"Oh, you know who."

"Sunhee? She wants to race so she's here."

He rolls his eyes again.

"Will you stop rolling your eyes?"

"I just... don't like it."

"That she's here? It's not like anyone is forbidden to come."

"But it's... wrong."

"Jungkook... it's quite obvious to literally everyone that you hate the idea of Sunhee being here or anywhere near you," I say, and he looks away. "But she's done nothing bad to you, you're just being selfish with this all keeping shit to yourself and no one knowing what the hell is wrong with you or with them. All she wants is to get to know her brother that was literally kept a secret from her. If you don't want to talk to her so badly, then tell her, instead of this stupid push and pull because everyone would get fucking upset."

I walk away, because I feel like I'm gonna say something worse. It's not like I have many occasions to call him out on some bullshit, he's usually less... whatever the hell he's got going on now. He doesn't follow me, and doesn't address it anymore. And I'm not sure if the silence is anything good.

🏁

Jungkook

I don't fucking know what to do with my head. Because while I tried this morning, and I thought I was doing well, the closer to the race, the worse I was feeling. Because this is my space. Our space, as in me, Yeeun, Taehyung, Wooshik. This is my space, and I constantly feel like she's trespassing. And it's stupid. Because I can see she's trying, and I want to try to.

I want to, but it's hard to break through the stupid stream of thoughts that's constantly telling me she was the reason my parents didn't want me. She was perfect, so there was no reason to come back to me. She won over our parents and now what? She's going to take my place in racing? What next? My friends? My wife? The rest of the family?

I know I'm being ridiculous and this is the worst part of it. Because being ridiculous and oblivious wouldn't be quite as heavy on my mind.

Just how long can someone dwell on the past, God.

They are gone. They don't, and never wanted me. I get it. It's not her fault. I get it. She didn't know anything. I get it, I get it, I get it.

Yet I somehow don't, because I'm in a pissy mood and it affects everyone around.