Welcome to Your Last Race (Street Racers #3)

24. Taehyung

I get home from the second meeting with my new therapist – Insu, a guy not more than 3 years older than me – and burst into tears.

"Nothing, just overwhelmed," I say when Wooshik pulls me into a hug and asks what happened. "But I'm feeling so much better now."

"Really? You like those meetings, right?"

"Yeah, it's... actually really helpful," I say. "I'm really glad I went there." I'm not healed, or whatever, and it's only been two times that I've met him, but the difference is crazy. It's scary, because it's new, but also exactly what I needed.

Wooshik kisses my cheek. "That's good. Come with me. I'm making dinner."

"I'm coming," I say, grabbing his hand.

He's not letting me do a single thing, so I sit at the table with a bowl of fruit loops – my appetite is once again through the roof after therapy. Boogie comes in a few minutes later, done with his nap, and I let him onto my lap so that we can cuddle.

"What are you making?" I ask.

"Tacos."

"Tacos?"

"Yes, exactly," he says. "You said you wanted tacos earlier. I'm making them now."

I did say I wanted tacos. These days I barely feel hungry, but I have those random surges of appetite where I could eat the kitchen. And he keeps doing that. The second I say I want to eat something, he's on the move.

"Are you in love with me?" I ask.

The answer comes immediately. "Very much, yes."

Sometimes when he does and says things like that, I think about how many times I could have done something to get better earlier. I could have made it easier for both of us. That, in turn, makes me think about what he once said – I'm in it for everything.

It's comforting to believe, almost entirely, that he really would stay, no matter how bad things get. I wonder if there's a limit to his patience neither of us knows.

"If this continues, I might go on medication," I say. "If it stays or gets worse."

"You're not worried about it, right?"

"A bit. It's... I don't know, weird."

"It's okay if you need it."

"I know. Not like I won't take it if I have to," I say. "I think I should have gone to therapy the first time you suggested it."

"Two years ago," he says, placing a glass of water in front of me.

"I thought about it even earlier. Right before we met, when I was driving from city to city. I thought of this, but I knew I wouldn't open up to just about anyone. I could barely talk about all this shit."

He's chopping something. Tomatoes. I like watching him when he cooks. "It was the time you and Jungkook made up, right?"

"Yeah."

"I'm glad you've always had him. I know it's stupid to regret the past you didn't have a say in, but I do regret that we didn't meet earlier. But I'm glad he was there."

The regret of not being able to take back time is useless, yet maybe the hardest to get through.

"I regret the past, too. It could have been better, but... since it has already happened... it was only twenty years. Let's say there is eighty more to go. Life is good now, it will get even better."

He looks back at me, smiling wider. "Look at you. Becoming the optimist we all need."

"At this rate, I'm gonna become a positive mindset coach."