Welcome to Your Last Race (Street Racers #3)

34. Yeeun

Ten girls Sunhee's age are in my apartment today. Also Eunbin and Sana. It turns out that when Sana isn't trying to win at all cost, she's not that bad of a friend. We cleared things up during Park Hyoshin's madness. Like why she cares – in a way – about Taehyung and why she'd been a bitch to me. And that one night we hooked up years ago, after which things were truly weird between us.

The place is full of girls that want to race but don't know how to make their way in. It's not all of them, of course, but it's a beginning.

Wooshik, Taehyung and Jungkook are in the kitchen, having their own little meeting.

"Some guys are assholes," one of them, Minjae, says. "Not all of them, of course, but some are really passionate about us not racing."

"But they don't have as much power to stop you," Eunbin says. "They tried to stop me before, but at the end of the day, no one can really tell me not to race."

"First you have to know you do have a spot there," I say. "It's a race for you just as much as it is for men. And then you just make your way in."

"We're scared, that's the problem," the other one says. Reiko. She's been glancing Sunhee's way all this time. "Most of the people are respectful, but there are guys ready to go crazy lengths."

"You can always call onto me," I say. "I will make sure you can race whenever you want. Neither of us is alone in this."

"We can start off during Yeeun's races," Eunbin says. "If she organizes it, she decides who races, after all. We can have a few races where a lot of girls would go in. People would start realizing this is becoming the new norm. And when you become more comfortable, you can rule the community."

"You think it will ever be possible to achieve equality?"

"Totally." It's Sunhee who answers. "They either peacefully let us in, or we force our way in. Whatever. We will achieve equality."

Even when we don't talk about racing, they stay around and we talk about everything that comes to mind. I've always been surrounded primarily by men. My closest family are all men – Jungkook, Taehyung, Wooshik, Yoongi, dad. I grew up mostly with Dad and Jungkook. I haven't even realized how much I crave the presence of women in my life. Their energy in itself is different. The way they speak and act and think.

It's so refreshing.

And I care. I feel like I care so much about women. I'm one of them. I've never thought about it. It was always obvious, but I never placed much importance over it. But it is important. I love being a woman. I love feeling powerful. Empowered. Feminine. It's so special. I don't fully understand it, but I can feel it all forming into something clear in my mind.

Half an hour later, I go to the kitchen to get us more drinks. Inside, I find only Wooshik.

"Where is the rest?" I ask.

"Taehyung left for therapy, Jungkook to get us food. I said I'd stay."

"Why?"

"It was nice listening to you."

I look at him to see that he's smiling. "What do you mean?"

"You seemed to be in a flow when you were talking about getting these girls into more races."

I smile back. "It felt good."

"What's up with that? You're not telling me anything, and I can see there's a lot on your mind."

"There is." I sigh. "I was trying to organize it first. Make it make sense."

"So? What is it?"

"I don't know myself," I say. "I don't know what I care about, what I truly want, what is important to me. I'm trying to work it out. Work myself out. See myself... really see myself."