Lies - Criminal Minds || Spencer Reid Fanfiction

5. Comfort

"Sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them." ~ Veronica Roth

The Lover

When I didn't reply to Melanie's email, it was as though she'd understood that that was enough correspondence. 

I felt guilt stronger than the whole of the Atlantic washing over me in a tsunami tide. Not only for ignoring her email and therefore no longer speaking with her - even though that's the one and only thing that had helped me over those few days - but for speaking with her while still being with Dylan.

I didn't understand why; Morgan was right, I wasn't doing anything wrong. But Garcia had explained to me everything she'd said to Dylan and that made me feel bad. 

Dylan shouldn't be thought of any less just because Melanie and I had been talking. 

What Melanie and I had had already intimidated Dylan enough; she'd explained so, so many times and each time I'd felt sick with guilt.

Over the next few weeks, I'd tried to figure out what was the right thing to do. 

End my relationship with Dylan in order to stop feeling guilty at every waking thought of Melanie? Or rush things forward; push on in our relationship in an attempt to permanently block-out Melanie.

I was lost in a sea of indecisiveness and I hated it.

"Just your usual honey?" The cashier asked and I nodded, handing over the bill before accepting the cup of coffee and heading out of the coffee-shop.

Instead of taking the metro to Quantico that morning, I decided to walk in order to clear my head. I walked along the busy street, trying to decide how to play these next couple of days. 

Dylan and I were supposed to be meeting up that night for dinner, considering what today was, but I felt like I shouldn't be doing that. I felt like I should be at home; curled under my duvet, crying.

That's certainly what I felt like doing.

As if my mind could turn against me even more I imagined what I'd be doing on this day if the events of three years ago hadn't happened.

Well, right now I'd probably be taking our son to play-group, his Melanie-eyes smiling at me as he waved goodbye from the window, laughing with the friends I'd never had at his age.

My breath whooshed out of my mouth in a sudden gulp as I saw Melanie before me; her gorgeous face twisted in laughter as it washed over me like melted butter while she held a beautiful bouncing boy in her arms; balanced on her hip as the pair waved through a window, laughing.

I tried to blink my eyes clear; escape my head and the reverie it was tormenting me with but I couldn't. This image before me was real.

She turned and our eyes met and instantly I felt the life draining from me.

"Spencer." She said in that beautiful tone of hers. But I was frozen, I could barely breathe.

"Ennie let's go!" The small boy cheered and my eyes fell on him tearfully. 

Melanie approached me; frozen on the side-walk as people hurried around me on their way to work.

"Spencer," She said again, straightening the boy on her hip as she stopped in front of me. "This is Thomas. Caitlyn's son, remember? It's been a while." 

She said, running a hand through the boy's caramel hair that kind-of matched Melanie's dyed highlights.

"Thomas." I told myself. 

Remember Spencer?!

"He was just a few months old the last time you saw him. At my going-away party."