Lies - Criminal Minds || Spencer Reid Fanfiction

26. Lies

"Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love." ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky

The Daughter

The next morning I awoke to an empty bed, the memory of Spencer's body curled around me all-too clear in my head still.

His phone had awoken us ridiculously early and he'd had to leave.

I threw my arms over my face, determined to block out all that happened the day before.

I couldn't face going through today without the knowledge that I got to see Spencer at the end of it.

He was making everything so much better again, and I didn't want that to become undone just because we didn't get an architectural plan of our Unsub's house.

I shuddered at the memory of William's wife breaking down in tears.

I couldn't rid of the sound of her sobs, they plagued my dreams and I'd had a pretty restless night in all.

But Spencer had been there with me; his body the only comforter I'd ever need.

But now he was gone, saving lives in some other city. And there was nothing I could do but the same.

I heaved myself out of bed, preparing myself for what the team were going to throw at me today; I wouldn't blame them if it was anything short of a bullet.

I felt slightly dishevelled as I headed into the office, despite the fact that I was wearing one of my best suits and my face and hair were a work of art; over-compensating is what Spencer always called it.

I'd bought coffee and doughnuts and set it all out on everyone's desks before retreating to my office to file the paperwork from the previous day's incident.

I was emailing everything to the Director when there was a knock on my already opened door.

I opened my mouth to call whoever it was inside as I turned around, but was cut off by Carter barging in anyway saying,

"You really think coffee and cakes are going to buy us off?" She threw the box of cakes down onto my desk and I glanced at Jackson standing warily in the doorway; clearly displeased that Carter was going off on one.

"That wasn't my intentions-"

"Save your bullshit and just cut to it. You feel guilty, of course you do, you should do, but buying us coffee and cakes ain't gon' fix shit."

"Don't talk to me like that, Carter." I said, beginning to grow uncomfortable and irritated.

"Oh?" She scoffed, glancing at Jackson behind her before folding her arms.

"So now you're doing the boss-thing are you? You know, Hotchy, I'm gettin' real tired of your bullshit.

"You come here, starting your Unit preaching about team-work and family and how we all gotta get along to make the job work, but then you pull a stunt like yesterday which proves you ain't really got our backs, and now you're actin' like you're the only one this whole thing is affecting!"

"Calm down-"

"Don't!" She shouted angrily. "Tell me to calm down."

"Carter..." Jackson said in a warning tone, entering my office slowly and approaching her.

"We both feel like it's inappropriate for you to be buying us off considering what happened yesterday." He said matter-of-factly, barely able to meet my eyes and I pursed my lips in contemplation.