Saved Me

✨ c h a p t e r f i v e ✨

I was hyperventilating. My hands were clammy and shaking. I was shaking. I gripped my hair tightly, my hands in a fist as I rocked back and forth.

It's okay.

No it's not.

Stop it.

Worthless.

Calm down.

Kill yourself.

Tears ran down my face as I cried silently.

Mom...Dad...

I strangled sob left my lips. I cupped my lips, squeezing my eyes shut. My arms and legs stung each time I moved them. Fresh scars marked them. I got up from the floor of my bathroom, discarding the bloody tissues and opened bandaids. I wiped my eyes repeatedly, crawling back into bed. I laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling fan that spun slowly.

It was dark, but I could make it out. It didn't take long for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. I tried focusing my attention on the fan, watching it go around and around in circles.

It's okay Abigail.

Everything's gonna be okay.

I pressed the heel of my palms against my eyes.

Stop it Abigail.

I let out a shaky breath, wiping away my tears. I glanced at the clock. 3:43 am. I slipped out of bed, pulling on my dad's old sweater – my favorite sweater. I slipped out the back door, making my way back to the pier.

I don't know what drew me there every time I was having trouble. There was just something about it that gave me solace, even if it was for a few minutes. I tugged at my sleeves, sniffling a bit as I made my way there. I was a few feet away when I saw the figure sitting there. I froze, stopping in my tracks. I didn't know whether to approach him or not. I stood there, just contemplating. I walked away. It was better to be alone and grieve by myself. I didn't want to be around anyone.

I only took a few steps when my name was called. I froze almost instantly.

"Abigail?" he repeated. I recognized that voice. "Abby." I sucked in a deep breath, ducking my head as I wiped away my tears. "Abby?" I could feel him approach me but I made no move to turn around. I didn't want him to see me weak. I didn't want him to see me crying. I took a deep breath, turning around with a fake smile plastered on my face.

"Hey Roman," I whispered. My voice was raspy, even in a whisper.

He furrowed his eyebrows, stepping closer until he was right in front of me, cupping both my cheeks. "What's wrong?" he asked, his eyes boring into mine. Even in the darkness, I could make out the small flakes of green surrounding his blue orbs. I shook my head, grabbing his wrists to pull his hands away. He simply grabbed my arm, making me flinch. He dropped my arm, noticing the pain. "Abigail..." I couldn't speak. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't look him in the eye.

A moment later, he was wrapping his arms around my shoulders, hugging me to his chest. He didn't say anything nor do anything as I simply stood there. "You're okay," he murmured. "You're okay."

I didn't want to disagree, so I didn't. I let his words comfort me.

After a moment, he pulled me along with him. We sat down at the edge of the pier, letting the silence wash over us. I didn't question him why we was here at this time of night (or day), and neither did he. Nor did I question as to why he was holding my hand.

"When I was eleven, my parents would drop me off to my grandmother's house every summer. She would always take me to the beach everyday," he said, breaking the silence. "She used to live here. She spent most of her time at the beach. She used to be an artist. Her favorite thing to draw was the water because it was just different. It could be calm or it could be violent. It was always changing, you know?" I simply nodded, letting him speak. I didn't want to stop him.

"She would always draw pictures of the water. She had a collection of them. She would put them on display all over the house. She even drew on the walls. She used to let me draw on them. You know how most parents are. They don't let their kids draw on the walls and stuff. She wasn't like that. She let me. Hell, she'd draw with me. That's all we did, draw. She'd play music and we'd just have a go at the 'board.'" He stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I miss her a lot."

"What happened to her?" I whispered, glancing at him. He glanced down at me, staring into my eyes as if he was trying to read me.

"She had Angiosarcoma. It was a type of heart cancer." I involuntarily squeezed his hand. "She was like a second mother to me. I took the death hard. Still do."

"I'm sorry Roman," I murmured. He gave me half a smile, placing his other hand on our linked hands.

"I'm sorry too."

A/N: picture of Tony (played by Chace Crawford)

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