Saved Me

✨ c h a p t e r e i g h t ✨

Goddammit! Stop it Abigail.
Stop, just stop!
The tears were running down my face instantly. A sob erupted from my lips. My hands clamped over my mouth as I tried to calm down.
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. Everything's okay Abby. It's okay.
No it's not.
Stop, just fucking stop!
My pulse was racing. My hands were clammy. My head was pounding
Bed, sleep.
Worthless.
Stop!
I got up from my bathroom floor, cleaning off the mess. I poured cold water onto my face repeatedly.
You're okay. It's okay. I'm okay. Everything's okay.
I took a deep breath, closing my eyes.
You are okay.
I reopened my eyes, staring at myself in the mirror. My hair was messy and tangled. My eyes were bloodshot and filled with an emptiness I was so used to. My nose was slightly red from all the sniffling I've been doing. My lips felt dry and I licked them instinctively. My breathing slowly came back to normal.
"Abby?" I froze instinctively at the familiar voice. I quickly cleaned myself up to the best of my ability. "Abby. Open up."
"Just-just give me a minute," I said, shakily. I hid the razor underneath a bunch of towels in the closet.
He knocked on the door again. "Abby, come on." I stood in front of the bathroom door, my hand on the knob. No, I couldn't face him. "I'm not going to judge you or yell at you Abby." His voice was much softer, no trace of anger or disgust laced in it. I unlocked the door slowly, taking a deep breath before letting him inside. I ducked my head, not finding the strength to look him in the eye.
What surprised me was the fact that he pulled me into his arms. He hugged me tightly, digging his face into the crook of my neck. I let out a shaky breath I didn't know I was holding in and hugged him back. Nothing was said. We stood there, just wrapped in each other's arms. I was grateful that he didn't ask or say anything.
It was weird how we got to this point. The first time I met him, he saved my life. I hated him for doing that. But somehow, we ended up here. We were friends. A part of me - the sane part - knew this wasn't going to last. Eventually I'll grow enough courage to repeat my actions. But another part - one that truly scared me - didn't want this to end. I liked being with him. I liked being with our friends. I liked it. I was enjoying myself and that scared me shitless. I knew if I get attached and too comfortable, everything will come down crashing. It always does. I had to leave them despite the fact that I couldn't. I physically and/or mentally couldn't imagine doing that. They've all became a part of my life - a part of me.
Roman pulled back, resting his hands on my sides. My hands dropped to his stomach. He took my hand, examining my damaged arms. I didn't dare look at him. I didn't want to see the judgement. I could already feel it. What surprised me was that he raised my arms, placing a kiss on both of them. I was shocked to the core. I was frozen in my spot. The feelings that were rushing through my body were indecipherable. There was a bit of fear, surprise, adoration, and an emotion I didn't want to acknowledge. It would only get me in trouble.
"Thank you," I murmured, wincing a bit when my voice cracked.
"You don't have to thank me for anything," he replied. "Now, come on and get ready." He let go of my hands. The tension in the room disappeared.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"Dress comfortably."
Without waiting for me to reply, he left the room. I sighed, changing out of my oversized shirt and leggings. I grabbed my high-waisted skinny jeans and slipped on a random shirt.
I came downstairs, running into my aunt. She gave me a warm smile. "Where are you off to?"
"Not sure, my, uh, friend wanted to take me out," I said.
"Was it that nice boy that was here? Roman, is it?" she asked, intrigued.
"Yeah, you met him?"
"Briefly. I know his parents. Are you guys dating?" I nearly choked on my spit, my face flaming.
"No!" I exclaimed. "Nothing like that. Just friends." She chuckled, nodding.
"Alright, well enjoy yourselves." She gave me a kiss on the forehead before disappearing upstairs.
I went to the porch to find Roman sitting on the steps. He turned around when he heard the door close. He motioned me forward and we began walking. "Where are we going?" I asked. He shoved his hands in his pockets.
It was a cloudy day today. Another storm was coming later tonight or early tomorrow morning. The air was humid but there was a slight wind to make it bearable. The sun hid behind the clouds, making no move to make an appearance. There were a few people outside as we walked through the neighborhood. Some were walking, some were riding their bicycles, and some were just sitting on their porch step, peoplewatching.
"If you were a font, what would you be?" he asked. I looked at him with a questioning gaze. He just gave me a smile. "I'd be Tahoma. You look like you'd be Times New Roman."
I chuckled, shaking my head. "I definitely wouldn't be Times New Roman," I replied. "Maybe Comic Sans." He snorted.
"You seem more of the girly handwriting type. Maybe one of those script fonts."
I chuckled, shaking my head. "I wouldn't call it girly," I argued. He raised an eyebrow.
"I'll be the judge of that." I rolled my eyes, a small smile making its way onto my face.
"So, I repeat, where are we going?" He brought his fingers to the edge of his lip, making the zip and throwing the key away gesture. I shook my head at him which only made him grin.
We eventually reached a small empty playground. There was a huge yellow slide, swings, a sandbox, and more. Roman trudged forward and I trailed behind him. He sat down on the swing and I followed his lead. We stayed silent, but it was comfortable. Something about being with him made me feel snug.
"When's your birthday?" he asked, breaking the silence.
"August seventh, you?"
"July third."
"That's coming up soon." He nodded in acknowledgement. "Are you doing anything?"
"Not really," he said with a shake of his head. "I don't usually do anything."
"Why not?"
"I didn't have much of a reason to."
"Well it's your birthday. That should be reason enough."
He tilted his head, looking towards me. "What about you? What do you do on your birthday?"
"When my parents were around, we'd always go out to this summer festival and then dinner to my favorite restaurant - it was Chinese. They'd make a big deal out of it every year."
"You're lucky to have had them," he murmured. I sighed softly, looking at him.
"Yeah, I guess I am." He smiled - a genuine one, one that made me feel warm inside.
The sun had just peaked through the clouds, touching his hair and making it seem lighter than it was. It was almost like he was glowing. His eyes were squinted but I could still see the slight twinkle in them. His cheeks looked golden in the sun.
I knew right then and there that I was falling for Roman Carter.

A/N: please, please, please don't ever hurt yourself. I found this amazing website called 7cupsoftea.com where you can go speak to anyone (anonymously) about absolutely anything; whether it's depression, relationship problems, family issues, etc. There are many people who will speak to you and help you to the best of their ability and I'm proud to say I'm one of them. Just know that you're absolutely not alone. I love you loads and so does everyone else. ❤️