Saved Me

✨ c h a p t e r t w e n t y f i v e ✨

Heartbreak was one of the most agonizing, painful experiences one could face. I felt as if my heart was ripped right out of my chest. I haven't felt like this since the day I heard I lost my parents. In a way, it almost felt exactly the same. I lost the three people I love the most. I laid in bed, covered in tears and still wearing last night's outfit. I refused to get out of bed or even let anyone inside. My phone was turned off and hidden somewhere in my room. My fingers itched to create new scars. Even though Roman and I weren't together, I wasn't going to back down on my promise. I didn't promise not to cut just for Roman; it was for me too. With Roman gone, I felt completely empty. It was almost just as painful as losing my parents.

"I need to check on her." My aunt's voice was right behind my locked door. I didn't bother responding or telling them I could hear. I haven't spoken to anyone since last night.

"Just let her be for a while," Uncle Ben said. I could almost see the frown on my aunt's face. I didn't deserve her. I didn't deserve Uncle Ben. Hell, I didn't deserve my grandmother. I didn't deserve anyone.

"Can I talk to her?"

The voice sent chills down my spine. It nearly made me break down crying again. My fingers shook uncontrollably. I pressed the heels of my palms against my eyes, trying to stop myself from crying.

"Baby." His voice was low, desparate. I couldn't. "Please Abby."

"I'm sorry," I whispered even though he couldn't hear me. The tears leaked through my palms. I bit down on my lip hard, trying to keep the sobs from escaping.

"I can't lose you," he said. "I need you."

I got out of bed, running into my bathroom. I shut the door, leaning against it as I cried hysterically. I didn't care how loud I was. I didn't care who heard. I simply didn't care anymore.

I lost count of how many times this happened. He tried to speak to me but I refused. I didn't ever want to leave my room. It was better to stay in here rather than go outside to face him.

My whole body was numb, as was my mind. I was emotionally and physically drained. It never once crossed my mind that my parents' death anniversary was approaching. When I realized it, it was way too early in the morning.

Within seconds, I was dressed and packed a small bag. I left a note on the kitchen table, grabbing the keys to my car and quickly getting in. There were no second thoughts as I drove away. I didn't once stop until I reached the familiar, suburban house. I parked the car, a sense of sorrow settling in. I stared up at the empty two story home. It was nearly seven in the morning. I took a hesitant step forward before stopping myself.

This wasn't the place I wanted to be.

I turned around and drove to the cemetery. It wasn't your typical cemetery with tombstones and emptiness. My parents were buried in a park-like cemetery. There were plenty of trees, a few lakes, etc. Their grave was right underneath a willow tree. During the funeral, many of us kept small wind chimes in the tree. As I sat down underneath the tree, my eyes skimmed the stone. It had my parents' portrait on it as well as a picture of the three of us.

They're gone.

"Hi Mumma, Daddy," I whispered, placing two fingers on my lips then onto the stone. I sat cross legged, occasionally sniffling. "I miss you both so much. I wish you'd come back." I picked at the grass, playing with them. "Mumma, I wish you were here to sleep with me. I wish you could play with my hair and tell me that everything will be okay." I clutched my necklace tightly, letting out a shaky breath. "Pops, I wish you were here to spoil me like always. I wish you could come home and give me those big hugs of yours." I chuckled softly, thinking back to the time I came back from summer camp. He was so happy that he spun me around, accidentally knocking down my mom's vase in the process. "I miss you both so much...please come back."

I don't know how long I was there. I kept talking to them as if they were really with me. I informed them about Aunt Leah, Uncle Ben, my new friends, and even about their families. My phone was somewhere inside my car. I, eventually, got up and made my way back to my car.

I didn't feel like going home. It felt like it was a sacred place. I didn't want to walk inside and ruin it. I made my way over to the mall. There was a Barnes & Nobles there that I used to go there. After I parked my car, I made my way over. I felt a sense of nostalgia as I drove there. Everything was so familiar.

I found myself in the corner of the building reading Dreamland by Sarah Dessen. By the time I was done reading, I had silent tears running down my face. I don't know what caused me to cry; maybe it was because she was depressed and maybe it was because, in some way, she lost her sister.

I let out a shaky sigh, pulling my feet up to my chest as I wiped my tears. I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to calm my breathing.

"Abigail?" I froze up instantly at the sound of his voice.

"Aunty?" I cupped my mouth, closing my eyes. I held down a sob.

No, no, no.

Two small pairs of arms wrapped around me. "Aunty! Aunty! Please don't cry."

I hugged Ella to my chest, trying to calm my sobs. Jay came and sat next to me, holding me tightly. Once I calmed down, Ella wiped my tears away with her tiny fingers. I couldn't help the smile that appeared on my lips.

"I can't believe it's you," Jay murmured. The three of us went over to the small ice cream store that they had in the mall. Ella sat in my lap as she ate her vanilla ice cream. "How long are you here for?" I played with my ice cream, taking a few moments to answer him.

"I don't know," I whispered. "I wasn't planning on coming here until the beginning of September. I just...I just came here without a second thought," I murmured.

"Does your aunt know?"

"I hope so. I left a note." He shook his head. I had filled him on what had happened while I was away.

"You need to stop running Abby," he murmured. I stayed silent, watching Ella smear ice cream on her cheeks. I wiped it off, kissing her soft cheeks which made her giggle.

"We'll talk later," I told Jay. I knew he wanted to argue but with Ella here, it wasn't the best time.

"Aunty Ella?" I looked down at Ella who was looking up at me. I kissed her small button nose, making her grin, showing off her teeth.

"Yes baby?" I asked.

"Will you stay?"

"We'll see baby, we'll see."

A/N: I love my intercultural communications class but I don't agree nearly 99% of the time.

Culture isn't meant to be shared, it's to be appreciated.

stay strong xo