"Dude Looks Like a Lady"

Chapter 22 Heaven (Ray POV)

Chapter 22

Heaven

~ Ray (2020)

I was a tiger, watching its prey… The two sleeping lumps under the covers… I slipped through the door and crawled over the carpet. ‘ROAR!’ I shouted and bounced on the bed, ‘Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!’

‘Ray…’ Daddy sounded huffy and put his arm over mummy, ‘It’s too early…’

‘But daddy!’ I hit his arm, ‘I want my prezzies! Prezzies!’

‘I saw this coming.’ Mummy said sleepily and she picked up a scroll of paper from her bedside table with her eyes closed! Mummy is psychic, I think, just like auntie Shelly.

She gave me it and I rolled it out, it looked really, really old! But smelled a bit like tea. I saw a plan of our house, with a little trail from their bedroom to all these other places that marked X.

‘Those are the presents you can open.’ She patted me on the head and yawned, ‘If you can find them.’

‘I will! I am Captain Sting-Ray! The best pirate captain in the Steven seas!’

‘Seven.’ Daddy giggled, making me sound stupid.

‘Seven seas!’ I said right this time and jumped off the bed, ‘Yo ho and a bubble of gum!’ They laughed again, why do grown-ups always find me so funny? Uncle Jack says I can be a com-mee-dee-an, whatever that is.

I, Captain Sting-Ray, went in search for the buried treasures. First I followed the map to the kingdom of Guest! I sailed through its red ocean and climbed over the blanket field to the castle known by its people as a Wardrobe. I opened up its gates and saw the first treasure! A present wrapped up in Ben-ten wrapping paper! I ripped it off faster than a cheetah could run. It wasn’t treasure at all. It was socks. I threw them onto the be- I mean blanket field and sailed down a big waterfall! Because my ship was magical! And into the Living Ruins! I sailed my ship towards the island of Couch and dug deep under the land to find a screw, a pick, a two-p coin, a battery and another treasure! Please don’t be more socks! And it wasn’t! It was worser than socks! A book. Well, it wasn’t too bad, it was a book written about me and my favourite super hero- Scott Pilgrim! But still, reading, ugh.

I found treasures in the great tree castle outside, the city of food, the land of eaters, cupboard cove and all sorts of strange places. And thankfully those presents were better! A water gun, a football with my name on it, a box of chocolates and a toy car! And soon after that, I found myself in the shrine of mummy and daddy. I tip toed past the evil queen Anna Molly and her even eviller pet dragon, Julius Battle Scar. These were all the things mummy and daddy were proud of. There was five CDs called "al-bums" four said Lazer Graffiti on them. The first one had a picture of a girl with a swiggily line on her face and the words "Ray Beams Down", another one had a Koala holding a basket ball and was the word "Puncture", the third had mummy, daddy, and some of my uncles lying down with their head in a circle and masks on their faces and in the middle the words "Criminal Crisis" and the fourth one had a picture of a dog stuck up a tree with the words "Out of Place". CD number five had Blue Eyed Crafters at the top and a picture of a giant blue eye. It didn’t look as good as the other ones and daddy said it was cause it was the oldest and it was the band he was in with my Uncle Ray before he met mummy. They had posters of "Lazer Graffiti" on the walls, and weird awardy ornaments on the windowsill. They had lots of things to do with their band but they also had a lot of photos of me in that room, even one of me before I was born! I looked really freaky then; I looked like the shadow of some alien! I mean- my head was hugiebigmungous!

I finally found my treasure in there; it wasn’t a toy or anything, just a photo of the three of us. I looked at the three of us together, and it was weird. If I looked at me one way, I looked like daddy. The other, I looked like mummy. I’d like to look like daddy more- I’m not a girl! But then, Uncle Ricky did say something to me about mummy being a boy once but she laughed and shouted at him and told me she was always a girl, she was just pretending to be a boy. Then Uncle Ricky called her a "Tranny", I asked Ryan what that word meant but he said it must’ve been a "granny" in their "teens". I got really confused at trying to figure out how mummy could be a girl-boy teen-granny but then I just told myself- mummy is mummy! I liked that photo though, I was gonna put it beside my bed to show mummy and daddy just how much I liked it!