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"Where are the others?"
"That's all that we found there," I answer Thayer as we are making our way towards the courtyard that afternoon. I handed him my records secretly yesterday during dinner.
"Seriously?" he asks a little too loudly which he soon then realized and so he lowers his voice down to a whisper, "seriously?"
"Yes, seriously."
"But the last record was that from like two or three years ago," he says in disbelief. We turn around the corner and I slightly pinched his side signalling that there are still nurses with us.
We reach the courtyard and I thought I see Mike standing there escorting some patient, but then as I looked closer, it isn't him. I heaved out a sigh as Thayer and I settles onto a bench to take a seat.
I look up at the sky, it looks pretty. I wonder if it's beautiful to live out there too. I wonder a lot of things as I turn to look up into the sky. Would it be nice to finally be free from this place? Or would it be much worse?
"What was it like to live," I turn to ask Thayer, "outside the walls of this sanitarium. To be normal?"
He looks at me and a small smile creeps its way onto his face, "it's a paradox. It's beautiful yet there would come a time where it'll be hard. It's exciting and a little bit dreadful at the same time, but it's worth it."
"Better than here?" I ask again.
"It's not good being here, trust me."
"Maybe for you," I counter, "but this had been my home for years now. The only thing I can consider to be better living in is here."
"I'm sorry," he apologizes, "but if you agree with escaping this place, you'll see. You wouldn't have to wonder anymore."
I let what he said sink in to my brain. Why am I so afraid of leaving this place anyway?
Maybe because this place had been my safe haven despite of being my nightmare too. I don't know how I'd go on in the outside world. Is it something really different?
Maybe I'd meet nice people. People who aren't looking at me with judgment in their eyes, people who would actually care.
I close my eyes and let the soft wind touch my face. Thoughts about the life I might have once I get out of here are floating around in my head and it's very tempting, but I'm still terrified and unsure if I would ever want that.
"Is that Mike?" I am snapped out of my trance when Thayer touches my arms. I open my eyes to see him pointing at someone near the door. Mike.
"Y-yes." I answer, and out of impulse, I find myself standing up from my seat and heading towards his direction. His back is turned away from me, but I'm most definitely sure that it is him.
