First Love

Chapter 30

ANNABELLE’S POINT OF VIEW

No. They weren’t tears of happiness. That’s not okay. I felt Zayn start to back away, and my hands snapped out almost subconsciously, grabbing him. “No. No, it’s okay. Really. Please, don’t go.” I said, feeling my voice fill with despair. I couldn’t lose him too.

“Al-alright.” Zayn choked out, pulling me up to the bathroom again. I looked at him, confusion clear on my face. He looked down at my wrists, and all too soon I understood.

The bandages were dripping blood, literally. They were bright red, blood running down my arms.

“I’m, I’m so sorry. Zayn I didn’t know.” I mumbled, breaking down again. He simply put my wrists under the water again, taking off the bandages and rewrapping them. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at them, or him, for that matter. He suddenly pulled me close, wrapping me in a hug.

“I’m going to fix this.” He mumbled, mostly to himself. I let it go, not knowing what that meant. I hugged him back, though. My tears soaking his shirt. I pulled away, pulling him to the bed. I looked at it for the first time. Noticing the gold and cream color that matched the room. So much had been happening, I hadn’t even really looked at the room. I sat down, pulling Zayn down with me.

I looked at him, and felt my heart breaking once again. His eyes were full of despair and hurt. I knew it was because of me and I just couldn’t take it. We laid down, facing each other.

“Why do you care so much when I’ve never talked to you before?” I asked. I heard him sigh, obviously hoping I’d never ask him that question.

“I’ve always cared, Anna. Certain circumstances made me think it would be better to just not talk to you, instead of making things harder.” He said, explaining vaguely. I thought of how he used to talk to me just like the other boys, but then he eventually stopped making it a point to talk to me. He didn’t ignore me. We texted and video called, but only when he was with the other boys as well. He was never rude, and I was so lost in Niall, I had never even noticed.

“Are you going to tell me what the certain circumstances are?” I asked, curiosity getting the best of me. He grabbed my hands and sighed.

“It wouldn’t be fair of me to tell you now. Trust me.” He said, pulling me closer to him.

“I don’t like secrets.” I said. I inhaled the smell of him. Mint mixed with some sort of chocolate. He smelled great, and I felt myself drifting off to sleep.

“In due time, love.” He said. I sighed loudly.

“Please?” I asked, knowing I wouldn’t sleep well until he told me.

“I’m telling you, it would be wrong of me to tell you now.”

“If I say I don’t care, will you tell me?” I asked, feeling his reserve breaking.

“Fine, fine.” He said. He thought about how he was going to say it, so I waited for him to continue. “After we met you, we all got together. It was pretty obvious Niall liked you, so we wanted to talk to him. He wasn’t the only one that liked you, but I let him have you. I just figured it would be easier for all of us if I kept my distance. I never stopped caring though.” I gasped quietly. It all made sense now, but why didn’t he want to tell me?

“I didn’t want to tell you because you’re broken now because I made a stupid move. I don’t want you to just like me out of pity, either. I don’t want you to like me just because you’re hurting now. That isn’t fair. I didn’t want to tell you and then have you feel obligated, or just want me because you’re hurt. You’re stubborn, though.” He said, laughing quietly. I kissed him on the cheek, telling him silently it was okay.