Merlin One Shots

Chicken

A/N: It's a bit of a crack one shot for y'all!

Setting: Anytime after Arthur's coronation.

Description: Gwaine wants to impress a girl he met, but it's proving to be more difficult than anticipated.

Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of its characters.
      

Gwaine let out a loud curse as his quarry headed around a corner, disappearing from view. He rounded the corner, blurting out an apology when he nearly plowed Leon and Percival over.

"What's the rush?" Leon yelled as Gwaine continued in his pursuit. The knight didn't reply, too focused on finding his target. Gwaine ran down the castle halls, weaving in between baffled servants and nobles alike. He had almost caught his problem, when Merlin collided into him, and both went sprawling to the ground.

"Gwaine?" Merlin groaned, holding his head. "What is going on?" Gwaine moaned, sitting up. He let out frustrated grunt when he noticed his quarry was gone. The knight turned to Merlin, who had managed to pick himself up off the ground. A slight smirk crossed Gwaine's face when an idea came to him.

"Merlin!" He said, clapping the servant on the shoulder. "Just the man I wanted to see." Merlin gave him a doubtful glance.

"Why do I feel like you're about to rope me into something I won't like?" He asked. Gwaine grinned.

"Because that's exactly what I'm about to do."

"Wonderful." Merlin let out a sigh. "What is it?"

"So there's this girl-" Gwaine pretended not to hear the groan that came from Merlin. "-and she really likes chickens." Another groan. "So I decided to catch one for her... but..."

"You lost it."

"I lost it." Gwaine confirmed with a smile. Merlin rolled his eyes.

"So you want me to chase after a chicken?" The knight nodded, his expression pleading. "Fine." Merlin complied after a moment. "I'll take the south end of the castle, you take the north. We'll work our way towards each other until we find it." Gwaine pat his friend on the back, before heading off in the direction Merlin had suggested. "Now, if I were a chicken, where would I go?" Merlin muttered to himself, drawing confused glances from those who passed by.

➿➿➿➿➿

Meanwhile, Gwaine was strolling at leisurely pace, searching for his prize. A quiet cluck caught his attention, sending the knight into a run.

"Aha! Got you, you little-" Gwaine began. He rounded the corner, only to find a woman standing there.

With his chicken in her hands.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" Gwaine said, giving her his best smile. "If you don't mind, I'll be taking that chicken off your hands-" he reached for it. The woman smacked his hands away, holding tighter onto the bird. Her face twisted into a slight sneer, revealing yellow teeth under her lips.

"I found it, and I want it!" She said indignantly. Gwaine could feel his patience slipping.

"But, you see miss, that is my chicken, and I want it back." The woman adamantly shook her head. Gwaine glanced up to see Merlin coming up from behind the woman. The servant's expression lit up when he noticed the chicken in the woman's arms. He gave Gwaine a questioning look. Gwaine nodded, motioning slightly for Merlin to grab the chicken when he got the chance.

"If you'll excuse me, I should be going-" the woman began turning around.

"Wait!" Gwaine practically shouted, grabbing her arms. She gave him a confused glance. "I- I mean- wait, please." He scrambled for words to say, in an attempt to keep the woman busy. Merlin slowly crept up behind her, nearly ready to snatch the bird. "I just wanted to ask- to ask if you..." Gwaine's gaze darted around, searching for an excuse. "If such a lovely woman as yourself has a special someone?"

The woman became flustered, running a hand through her greasy hair. Merlin slapped a hand over his mouth, holding in a loud snort.

"Why- why no, I don't, Sir Knight." The woman batted her eyelashes, trying to appear flirty. Gwaine hid his grimace as she sidled up closer to him. Merlin stopped approaching the woman, to Gwaine's horror, and watched with a large grin on his face. The knight was sending death glares at his friend, but quickly forced the smile back onto his face when the woman glanced back up at him.

"Well, I don't exactly see how that's possible." Gwaine said, nearly choking on his words. "Especially for such a catch-" Merlin was shaking with laughter. "Such a catch as you." Gwaine shifted uncomfortably as the woman somehow got closer.

"Well, you're not so bad yourself." The woman purred. Well, purr wasn't the right word for it. She sounded more like a cat choking on a hairball.

Merlin, though reluctantly, decided that Gwaine had had enough. He reached for the chicken, grasping it tightly, before taking off at full sprint. The bird squawked in protest as Gwaine quickly followed him, the woman's irritated shouts echoing down the halls. The two rounded a corner, coming to a stop just outside the doors to the throne room.

"Here." Merlin said, panting. "Here's your stupid chicken." Gwaine reached to take it from Merlin's hands. The bird continued to cluck loudly, and pecked at the knight. Gwaine cursed, dropping the bird. "Gwaine!"

"Get it!" The two dived at the chicken, running head on into the doors. The both somehow managed to grab hold of the bird, and refused to let go.

It was at that moment that the doors to the throne room swung open, and Arthur and the council walked out. Or at least, they started to. The sight of two grown men, lying on the floor with a very loud chicken in their hands made them pause in confusion.

"Merlin. Gwaine." Arthur said, stepping forward. "I'm going to pretend this never happened." The king stepped over the two, and the chicken, not once looking back.

"Great idea, sire!" Merlin called after him. He turned to glare at Gwaine. "This girl better be worth it."

"Oh, she is!" He replied confidently. "And with this chicken, I'll win her affections for sure!"

➿➿➿➿➿

It was hours later, and Merlin was eating a dinner with Gaius. It was then that Gwaine burst in, with none other than that possessed chicken in his hands.

"Merlin!" The knight began. "Turns out, she doesn't like live chickens! She likes chicken dinners."

"Gwaine!"