Dark mind

Dear Diary

Juniper POV

I am weird.

I dont mean this in a dramatic way. I am literally weird. Im not normal and as a little girl, barely 7 years old, I knew my mind didin't work like the minds of the rest of the kids.

I have had gaps in my childhood memories ever since I can remember (no pun intended). This was really hard during middle school, when the teacher would be explaining something for a test and I would say that I understand perfectly. I studied for days, and I knew the material like the back of my hand. Days later, I would recive my grade: A big 0. It happened so much, so often, it just wasn't normal.

They took me to a doctor who then referred me to a psychologist, my first one, who told me that I indeed suffered from repressed memories. It was weird because in most cases, the psychologist had  told me, memories get unconsciously blocked due to the memory being associated with a high level of stress or trauma. In my case, I repress any type of memory and the theory is that what started it was the original repressed memory, the first memory I ever made myself forget.

It was, and still is, a tricky and complicated subject. I have no idea what caused this. I had once asked my parents if they knew but they said that I had always had a happy childhood. I tried finding answers for myself, but this caused me mayor headaches. This is where the famous nightmares started.

The nightmares began wen I was 10 years old, searching for answers in my past. There had been a time where they weren't that bad but as I grew older they got worse. It was the night of my 16th birthday, about 5 months ago, that they really got bad and I had my first ever encounter with him.

He dosent have a specific name and he comes every single night. The first thing he ever told me was  "Stop digging or you'll regret it."

I hadn't really listened, I mean we've all had weird, creepy, scary dreams at least onece in our lives. Personally, ever since I was a child, I would always have these bad, horrific nightmares. They would all revolve around the idea that I was alone in a dark place, and that something was hidding in the shadows waiting to kill me. I had gotten used to it, so I didin't think much of this mysterious voice that threatened me.

And, because of my ignorance, I paid the price.

Two days later, I was home alone. I went to the bathroom to look for my hairbrush when the door closed on its own with a bang as if a gush of wind had blown in, which was impossible because my windows were all closed. Almost inmediately after that, I started hearing piercing screams. Screams all around me as if a crowd was there with me. Their voices were so high, so desperate, they sounded so scared, and they felt so real. I realized later , though, that it was all in my head. It was horrible, I was petrified, scared shitless, and so very confused. And then I heard his voice, the same one from the other night. I saw a shadow standing infront of me, the siluet of a person. He said:
See what happens when you disobey me? Listen or I will make your life a living hell.

When my mom had come home, she had found me in the bathroom floor, hugging my knee's to my chest. I looked like if I was in a trance. I was frozen, traumatized, unable to react, talk, or move. When she had touched me, I started screaming as the events I had just experience caught up with me. A minute later, I had my first ever seizure.

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Edited