Dark mind

Where I Belong

He wrote a lot.
On the front and back.
And his handwriting was top notch.

Juniper It started,

When I first saw you back in October, I pittyed you. A lonesome girl, without her family's support and with no friends. You kinda reminded me of myself. No mom, no dad and  didn't like to refer to anyone as a friend. But then you became that, my friend. In so little time, you captivated my attention with the amazing person you are. I always thought people were all the same, all that talk about everyone being unique and special was bullshit. But then you came along and erased all of those thoughts. You're something else, June. You taught me how to love blindly and how to trust. Your the strongest person I know, who has had more cries than smiles, who has faced the most trials than any other person I know, who puts other people before her.

Baby, you are amazing, extroardinary and the best thing that will ever happen to me. And I could say with all honesty that I will never meet another person on the face of the earth like you, I will never love or feel the same way I feel about you with somoene else. It sounds stupid to say, since im so young but it feels so right, you have no idea.

We have had many set backs, said many awful thing's to each other and offended ourselves trying to help one another. You could say were toxic, we are too stubborn and that makes the relationship harder to function. When your with somoene, you have to balance your issues and there's, your worries and your stress automatically become the other person's concerns. Maybe we aren't ready for that, maybe we just dont know how to handle it or maybe its just not our way of dealing with it. There is no wrong or right way to do this.

You hurt me but I also hurt you. I'm so sorry, for everything I said the other day. I didn't mean it, I would never. I just wanted to push you, not enough to break but just enough to shatter. It was the only way you would listen and the only way I could force you to get help and go into treatment. I'm not sorry enough and I know its no excuse but it is my truth. You were spiralling out of control, and I was concerned for your safety and your mental health. I hope you can understand why I did it,  I cant imagine a world without you, although I feel like I have lost you for good.

I understand if you never want to talk to me again. But, I want to tell you that I will always be here. In the good, in the bad, in the terrible and in the sad moments. When your in that space where you feel alone, like no one understands you, I want you to know that I do.

I love you baby girl, like I have never loved someone before. You will always be my first love, regardless of what happens later. I would never trade all of those moments we had toguether: wben you made that woman fall into the fountain, when we broke into that resort and got chased by the police officer, our late movie night's, the endless illegal sleepovers, the laughs, the cry's, the weakest moments and the strongest .

I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, how you smile when the sun sets or the stars can be seen clearly in the night, how when your irritated your cheeks flush red, that you can never shut up and often get into trouble, how fearless you are, you dont let anyone walk over you or talk crap about the people you love. You are selfless, brave, smart, funny and the most exceptional person I will meet. Unlike anybody else, you deserve the world.

I would like us to start over. If you'll want me, if you'll want us. I'm willing to fight for you, no matter your past, your dead brother, your O'd father or you imperfect mother.

The choice is yours.

You will make it out, you will get better. And I will be with you through it and after.