Dark mind

Time's Up

I leaned against the wall, on the second floor of the abandoned house, constantly checking my phone. It had been exactly two days since I fought with Madelane. I hadn't heard from her ever since. I didn't know what to do, I left countless messages, called about a million times and even left her voicemails.

Nada.

She just dropped from the face of the earth. I even drove to her house (no way in hell am I skating across town) but there was nobody, not even her mom. I didn't bother looking for her good for nothing father.

Madeline had grown up without her father, he abandoned her and her mom the moment Mads was born. He didin't call, didin't text, nothing. He was dead, for all she knew. Madelane acted like she didn't care about it, but in reality it was all she could think about. That's the reason she doesn't date guys, she's scared of being rejected, she's been hurt in a way that she doesn't know if she can trust anymore. Her own father left her,  didn't love her, didn't care about her. Who's to say another boy wont do the same?

That, along with her being tormented by practically everyone in her grade, all the pressure added up and Madelane started binging. Every time she felt bad and was forced to eat, she made herself throw it all away before it was even digested. Being barely 11 years old, she became anorexic. Binging, purging. And she described it all vividly, crystal clear.

"It got to the point where I wrote down if I lost weight , If I gained, if I just stayed the same. I exercised daily, pushed myself beyond my limit and constantly fainted. I was crazy obsessed, it was not healthy at all. I was just a bag of bones and I woudint stop until the kids in my class stopped with their comments, until they looked at me and became amazed at how beautiful and skinny I was. I would become the most popular girl in school and maybe, I though, dad will come back and realize I was the perfect daughter.
He could love me, he would genuinely care about me and somehow it would be enough for him to stay. That's all I wanted, to be loved and accepted, to have my father's love..." she told me one of our many FaceTime calls.

She said if her mom hadn't been a therapist and noticed it in time, she didn't know if she would be alive.

After being upset for what seemed like hours, I realized how stubborn I was being. I have a big ego, I'm a very proud person and I like handling and doing thing's myself. I don't do the whole "get help" thing.

But Madelane was right. The last two days have been hell. I've barely eaten anything, just an apple this morning and it was almost 5. And yesterday I did not eat, at all. JJ hasn't visited me, but I hear his voice everywhere I go. My anger had magnified to a mil, honestly this was not going to stop. Thing's were not improving for me, it was all going downhill. This could kill me. And I complain and cry about how helpless I am but I have the power to change that, to get better.

But do I take it? Nope.
Why? Because I'm an idiot.

In reality I was just scared, though I wont admit it. What would happen once I spoke, once I showed my scars? They'll think I'm crazy! They'll probably lock me up in one of those mental hospitals that my parents went too. Or one of those hospitals like in the movies. Okay, I know not everything you see on a black screen is real but still.

I skipped school yesterday and today. Today was Friday. I had caught up on extra work, gotten a couple of essay's in, all that. I can be all the fucked up I want, but no way in hell am I letting my grades slip. Not when I worked so hard to have the score I have now.

I heard footsteps coming near me but didn't turn around.

"This wont be any easier, so you can at least cooperate." A voice said. I sighed.