Unexpected | Calum Hood

9.

13 weeks

The waiting room is full of women in various stages of pregnancy. Some, like me, don't appear pregnant at all while others look ready to pop any minute. In the corner across the room a woman cradles a teeny baby, surely only a few days old. I focus on her, watching as she tends to the infant with such care and confidence. I hope I will mimic her in a few short months.

Calum sits beside me, rigid in the uncomfortable chairs. His knee is bouncing as his nerves get the best of him. I reach out thoughtlessly and place a hand on his knee stopping the tapping and startling him slightly.

"Sorry. I'm just so nervous." I smile and return my hand back to my own lap.

"Everything will be fine."

He nods but his face remains set in a way that shows his anxiety. I want to comfort him but I don't feel confident in my words or actions so I stay silent.

"Goodwin?" The nurse calls and I nudge Calum as I stand and follow her to an exam room.

I hop up onto the exam table and Calum settles into yet another uncomfortable chair. The nurse completes the assessments of my vitals and weight before leaving us alone in the room.

"I haven't met this obstetrician yet but my regular doctor recommended her and she's supposed to be great." I tell Calum though I'm not sure if I'm trying to calm his nerves or my own. He offers a soft smile and nods. The silence fills the room and I fight between wanting to fill it up with chatter and not knowing what to say. My silent debate is broken by the doctor's entrance.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Mays nice to meet you." She says extending her hand before turning to shake Calum's as well. "I got your chart over from Dr. Stevens and I see this is technically your 12 week appointment we're just a few days behind."

"Yes, We moved it back a few days so that Calum would be able to join us" I gesture over to him.

"It's no problem these things don't have to be exact and we love an involved Dad." I glance over to see Cal's reaction to the word Dad being associated with his name, expecting to see fear but what glistens in his eyes is more like excitement. "Today we're gonna talk a lot about your family medical history's, then we'll do an ultrasound so you guys can have some photos to take with you, listen to the baby's heartbeat and get some blood work done. Does that sounds good?" We nod and she begins the long list of questions about our parents and relatives medical conditions and lack thereof. Finally she seems satisfied that we have no reason for concern based on our history's and she has me lay back on the exam table before she exits to get the sonographer.

The ultrasound technician comes in. I lift my shirt and roll the waistband of my leggings down to give her access to my abdomen. She squeezes a jelly like substance on my stomach and I flinch at the cool sensation. She slides the probe around until finally the screen is filled with a black and white grainy image. The technician points to the center at a mass that looks a lot like a bean and beams, "there's your baby." I feel tears form in my eyes as I stare at the little screen. She points out the head and legs but I'm barely listening to her. I roll my head around to face Calum and he's staring at the screen in a similar mesmerized state.

The tech leaves the screen up with the probe in the same position so we can watch our little one move while she grabs the heartbeat probe. She places that next to the ultrasound one and a strong whooshing sound fills the room. "That's it?" I question surprised and she smiles.

"Yeah! Baby's heartbeats are super fast so they sound a little different than you might expect." I nod and lay my head back listening to the sound, constant and strong. I can't believe I had ever thought of not wanting this. Calum slips his hand into mine after she leaves. I stare at the ceiling and try to gather myself, my emotions being discombobulated.

"What are you thinking?" I ask as I continue to count ceiling tiles not wanting to meet his gaze.

"I'm thinking that I thought I'd be scared shitless, I thought I'd feel anxious and unprepared but seeing our baby, all I feel is excitement." I feel the stupid smile spread over my face as he continues. "I know we barely know each other and obviously it's not planned and we're not ready, but I don't know, it just feels...right?"

The silence lingers again between us as I try to decide how to respond.

"What about you? How are you feeling?"

I sigh. "I'm not quite where you are yet." I say truthfully and he furrows his eyebrows. "I'll get there. But right now I'm still really scared and just apprehensive about the whole thing. Maybe it's because I just fear change and I know I'm gonna have so much of it the next few months, it's just, almost paralyzing. It's like it's exacerbating all of my anxiety symptoms and on top of the morning sickness, it's just been a lot."

He doesn't respond at first which worries me but I soon realize he's just gathering his thoughts and what he wants to say. "You're not alone in this, Jes. I'm not saying I can be there every moment but, tell me what you need from me and consider it done. I'm all in, here. How can I help you?"

"As soon as I figure it out, I'll let you know"

He seems to accept that answer and he rises from his seat and offers me a hand as I clean the jelly from my abdomen and readjust my clothes so we can exit. I stop at the office to grab our ultrasound printouts and schedule my next appointment for November 7 when I'll be 16 weeks. Calum frowns as I set the date but doesn't say anything and we head out to my car. I slide into the driver's seat and wait for him to shut his door.

"Everything okay?" I ask.

He sighs and stares through the windshield, "I'll be out of the country for your next appointment. We head to Europe next week and we'll be there through the third week of November when we fly home to Australia for the ARIA's."

I frown as I take in this information. "It's okay. I knew your lifestyle meant you wouldn't be at every appointment-"

"But I want to be." He says cutting me off. Our eyes meet and I realize for the first time that he takes the weight of his words seriously. When he says he's here for me, he means it. It's a little overwhelming, I'm not used to being able to depend on others. I tell him this and he ponders my words.

"You can depend on me, Jes. You both can."

I close my eyes and cherish his words. He doesn't even know how much they mean to me.

"I-I know I don't have a right to ask but I'm going to anyways...is there any chance you, you would wait, to find out the gender? Just until I get home?"

My heart swells knowing he wants to be a part of this. He's in and I refuse to take something so simple away from him.

"Of course, Calum."

He visibly relaxes and settles into his seat in my car.

"You hungry?" He asks suddenly and I laugh.

"Well I am eating for two these days" I reply and his smile covers his face.

"Let's go then"