Unexpected | Calum Hood

19.

23 weeks

When I wake up the next morning I'm confused by the weight pressing down on me. It takes me a moment to realize it's Calum arm and remember I'd allowed him to stay the night. I had been against it at first, we were still in the early stages of our relationship, but yesterday had terrified me and I hadn't wanted to be left alone.

After our emotionally draining day I'd called my boss and asked if we could figure out a way to lessen my hours. The doctor had told me to limit my stress and after a conversation with Mary it had been decided that for the remainder of my pregnancy I would go into the office once a week for board meetings, ideas, and instructions and otherwise I'd be working from home as I was able. I was really fortunate to have such a good relationship with my boss that this was possible and it made both Calum and I feel more at ease.

I feel Cal start to stir as I shift in the bed to face him. He stares at me but doesn't speak.

"Good morning." I smile at him and he snuggles closer to me in response. His head is against my chest and I absentmindedly run my fingers through his hair. He sighs in contentment his eyes closed. I love how he looks right now, so at peace. His skin is warm where it presses against mine, he didn't have a change of clothes so he'd slept in only his boxers and as I drink in the sight of his bare back muscles, I'm not complaining.

"It's not nice to stare." He mumbles with his eyes still closed and I laugh lightly.

"I'm not staring."

He opens his eyes to meet mine which are in fact, trained on him, he smirks at me and closes them again.

"Do you still want to go shopping with me today? We can go earlier now that I don't have to work."

"That's fine. Can we lay here a little longer though?"

"Yeah, its only 9. I need to shower though." I say forcing the lump in my throat down. I know it's necessary but all I can think about is my last shower and the events that followed.

Cal glances up at me in concern. I bite my lip and my hand instinctively moves to my belly.

"Will um...will you shower with me?" I ask nervously with my eyes glued to the ceiling. After yesterday I just need his comfort and presence for even this basic thing. It's a lot to ask at this point but I hope he can see how much I need this. How much I need him right now.

"You're okay with that?"

"I just...with what happened... I don't want to be by myself in case something else goes wrong." I admit.

"Babe" he sits up and places his hands on my knees finding my eyes with his own. "Nothing else is going to happen. You heard the doctor like I did, it was a cyst. It's pretty normal and it's nothing to worry about."

"But I'm still going to worry."

"I know." And though he still doesn't know everything about me, or my anxiety, I love that he knows this about me. "What can I do to help?"

"Shower with me" I repeat my request. He agrees and gently grabs my hand leading us to the bathroom.

We peel our clothing off and though I'd expected to be nervous being naked in front of him I find that I am not. Even if he's seen it all before, that was 10 pounds ago and in a drunken lust-filled state. This...this is different. This is the real me, scared and anxious needing someone to hold my hand while I do something as mundane as showering.

It's ironic that not even one day ago Cal had suggested us doing this in a sexual context. This is innocent and raw. We step into the shower letting the water wash away all of the emotions of the past twenty-four hours. Cal's hands gently massage my shoulders and I feel the tension there release. I hadn't expected this from pregnancy, this overwhelming feeling of fear. It had been safely kept in the darkest parts of my mind until yesterday had set it loose. Now my mind was battling what-if's constantly and I was doing a rather bad job of fighting them.