Unexpected | Calum Hood

25.

29 weeks

"Cal, can we talk about this?"

"There's nothing to talk about Jessie. I asked you to move in with me. You said no. That's pretty definitive." He spits.

"That's not fair and you know it." I fire back. "You dropped it on me out of nowhere and expected me to just agree, that's a huge step."

"You love me, yes?"

"Cal, come on, you know I do"

"Then I don't understand what the big deal is, we practically live together as it is. We've been having this argument for a week and I'm over it." He says. His face is red and his voice breaks.

I hate fighting with him. Before this we never have, not really anyway, certainly not like this. When he'd asked me to move in with him I'd panicked and come up with a long list of reasons as to why that's a bad idea. Unfortunately, a week later I hadn't been able to convince myself that my reasons were dumb.

So here I find myself, sitting on my couch with Calum in the chair across from me. Both of us red faced with puffy eyes trying to put an end to this argument so that we could move forward.

He covers his face with his hands rubbing at his eyes. After a moment he finally looks up at me.

"Tell me what to do Jes. I hate this." He looks at me as a tear rolls down his cheek. "I don't know what you want from me."

"I want....." but then I stop, because I don't know what I want.

He scoffs and mumbles under his breath something that sounds like "typical."

A silence grows between us and I try to formulate my words. Fighting with Calum makes me anxious. It brings up old memories and flashbacks of my life with Mark.

I think my fear of moving in with Calum has a lot to do with my past relationship but I haven't figured out how to convey that message yet, so I stay quiet.

I gaze around at my house. The house, no the home, I've built. The home I love.

"I've lived here since I was 18" I say softly. "I moved out here for school and my dad helped me buy this place. It was in awful shape, a true fixer upper. I spent months working around the clock when I wasn't in class making it mine. I love this house." I say fixing my stare on Calum. "I got strong here.  The last time I moved out didn't end so well. So forgive me if I'm not rushing to leave again."

"Jes" he sighs. "Jes, I'm not him."

"I know that. But that doesn't mean this situation doesn't feel eerily familiar.

Cal runs his hands over his face again.

"I didn't mean to pressure you. But Jes, we have a baby coming. She's going to be here in about two months and I don't know what us living apart and raising her looks like." He frowns as he considers it before adding, "I don't want to miss anything."

"I don't either." I answer honestly.

"Tell me what you're afraid of." His eyes connect with mine and I feel bare, like he can see into my soul.

"I'm afraid everything will change."

"Like it did when you got engaged to Mark?"

I nod, staring at the hardwood floors of my living room.

"We're not the same, Jes. I'm not scared of your past and I won't leave just because you try to push me away. I'm in this. I get it now, why you're so hesitant and I'm sorry I pushed you."

I just nod unable to form a coherent thought let alone get out a sentence.

"I just needed some time."

"I know that now."

"This week's been awful." I mutter.

"For me too. I hate fighting with you."

"Guess we had to do it at least once." I say with a forced laugh trying to break the tension.

"I think once may be enough for me."

"Me too."

It's not fixed, hell it's not even resolved, but this discussion is a far cry from the screaming matches we've had this week. This is true communication something we'd forgotten how to do over the past few days that had only hurt us both.

I just needed time.

"Just because I want you to live with me doesn't mean you have to give this place up." Cal says quietly.

"We can keep it. Rent it out if you want or I can just pay for it and we can have it as an escape of sorts...or in case you change your mind."

"Is that what you think this was? That I'm not sure about you? About wanting to live with you?"

"I mean I think that less now, but at first? Yeah, that's what I thought. That's why I got so upset, it felt like you rejecting me."

I have to hold back a sob. Sometimes I forget that my self-destructive tendencies tend to have collateral. In this case the shrapnel of my indecisiveness hit Cal and left him doubting my feelings for him.

"Cal" I say moving so I'm standing directly in front of him our faces nearly touching. I tilt his chin with my fingers forcing him to meet my eyes. "I am in love with you. My insecure bullshit is not because I doubt my feelings for you, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me and the ghosts of my past. Okay?"

He nods breaking our eye contact and shoving his hands in his pockets.

Why is this so hard for me? This is everything I want. The man I love offering to share a home with our unborn child and me. Offering to love us and take care of us. To be with me through everything good and bad, and I'm really questioning this because of some asshole from my past?

What the fuck is wrong with me?

"Calum?" I call again his head snapping up. "I'll move in with you on two conditions."

A half smile fills his face "and what would those be?"

"We keep this house."

"And?"

"And we both promise to not let things get this bad for this long ever again."

"I can live with that." He says wrapping his arms around me and pulling me as close to him as my belly will allow.

"I love you, Jes."

"I love you too, babe. And, Cal?"

"Yeah?"

"I never got to give you your Valentine's Day present."

"What is it?"

"I can show you better than I can tell you." I say seductively as I bypass him and head towards my bedroom. It takes only a second before I hear his hastened footstep behind me as we race up the stairs.

AN: I don't like when Calsie fight 😥