[CLOSED] Helping Hands Critique Journal

12. Off Limits

IMPORTANT NOTICE:
I am not a professional writer and/or critic. My evaluation and opinion will be based on my observation. Do note that some information about the story will be redacted in order to preserve some of the story's highlights, and to not let out spoilers which will ruin other readers' reading experience.

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Author: Huwada
Story: Off Limits
Critic: NobodyElse2
Critique Released: March 26, 2020
Parts Read: 6 parts
Book Status: Completed

TITLE
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The title was just very simple. It's not that catchy for me nor interesting, but still it has a mystery in it. Cause, why off-limits? There's something behind that two-word title. I hope it's related to the plot.

BOOK COVER
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It's mysterious and also old, for me. A woman was riding on a two-wheel vehicle so maybe the woman is adventurous? I don't know, I'm still clueless especially that the title isn't relatable to the book cover of the story.

BLURB
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The blurb is amazing. It's really catchy and interesting. It has emotions and it made me into it. I just wish it's a bit longer so it'd be whole and perfect. I'm hooked. Good job!

CHARACTERIZATION
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From the start, Rica is a gangster. She's a criminal, totally man-ish like, and vulgar for a woman. While Vito is a man of words, more girl-ish and somehow weak than Rica. From the tone of Rica, she's more of a man to me while Vito has the female voice. I think the author should balance Rica's tone because she's a woman.

PLOT
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It's a bit cliche for me because I'm not the target reader for this story and also I think this kind of trope is always used by authors. But! What makes it interesting is that Vito was engaged to a woman. I hope that the author could give justice to the pain it would bring to Rica once she fell in love with Vito. 

I think the time Vito and Rica spent wouldn't give justice as to why Rica felt that she's already falling with Vito. I suggest that maybe the author could give more time to both of them. I also think that having an intimate course between them wouldn't give reasons for readers to get hooked with their love team. In short, sex or temptations isn't a bridge to love.

The transition of events is a bit sudden. Vito's farewell remark is sentimental and amazing. But still, I wish that Vito's last day with Rica should be shown so it'd be real.

From the next event, Rica was now a changed woman. Her past, as a criminal wasn't given a real justice. Perhaps, she should get in jail for her bad deeds before changing herself better.

The shocking part was that it's really really short which I should agree or disagree with. There are so many things to say but it was cut suddenly. I hope the author could consider making this longer.

GRAMMAR/
NARRATION/
DIALOGUE
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• This is what I've observed in chapter one that was impossible, how could Rica and the man she's with would end up in Batangas? I mean, yes, it's only two or three hours to go there but there are tolls and shits there that would stop you for seconds before you could actually end up in Batangas—which I think police officers could catch up with them. I think the author should consider this because it's impossible, even this is fiction. If this story would ever end up being published as a book—this would end up getting chopped by copy editors. 

• I have to say that the first person's pov of Rica is quite good. Matured and mysterious. I suggest that if you want the medium to be Tagalog, you should stick to it, and also Rica's choice of words in Tagalog.

Corrections:

• Barangay

• mag-stay (halimbawa pa: nag-assist, nag-make up, etc.)

NOVELTY
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For me, this story is not as original as I think. The gangster thing is cliche and old. Still, the context was quite good.

OVERALL EVALUATION
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It's really short. I wish it could be longer. Rica's change wasn't given justice and her past as well. I wish that there are other reasons for her to really change not just because of Vito. Rica's changing herself isn't a twist but a fact. The story is predictable. Still, the title has given justice. It's a good story, it can be improved.

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What do you think of my criticism? I want to hear your review as well ↪

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