[CLOSED] Helping Hands Critique Journal

#10 The Legend of Eyebrow Pencil

IMPORTANT NOTICE:
I am not a professional writer and/or critic. My evaluation and opinion will be based on my observation.

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Username: theLawrenceFaith
Story: The Legend of Eyebrow Pencil
Critic: Behbi_A
Date Critiqued: September 10, 2019
Parts Read: 4 Parts
Book Status: Completed

TITLE
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Your title is interesting. It's too straightforward which suits your story since short story lang naman ito at hindi na kailangan ng marami pang pakeme. Wala talaga akong mapuna sa title mo since fitting naman ito sa istorya mo, may relevance siya sa istorya and such. The word "legend" is also enough to give the readers the mystery on how the eyebrow pencils actually started, even though hindi siya historically accurate which adds up to the humor.

BOOK COVER
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It's simple yet beautiful. Though parang naging masyadong crowded yung words sa upper part. Yes you differentiated them by giving them different colors, pero parang nakaka-suffocate pa ring tingnan due to the lack of spaces. Maybe move the title a bit lower? But I appreciate though that you emphasized the title and your name. Gotta be proud of that.

BLURB
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It's technically a blurb since it gives a short description about your story, and boy did you take "short description" way too seriously XD. Pero naisip ko naman though na hindi ka nag-e-aim ng something formal para sa description mo since short story lang naman ito and your story was intended to be humorous, so I let that slide. Naiisipan ko siya though ng some ways on how you could've done the blurb, pero parang maisisiwalat na ang buong istorya kung ganoon. So let's just stick to yours.

CHARACTERIZATION/
TONE
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Kapag may mga character na parang mean girls o 'yong tatlong bimbo sa mga istorya eh kilala ko na agad ang mga miyembro nila. There's the obvious leader one, the sidekick one na trying hard maging leader, and there's the not so evil one at parang inosente at medyo mangmang. And well medyo cliché na ang ganoon, you were still really good in portraying Perlas, Rosas and Luningning with those characteristics. Gustong-gusto ko rin 'yong pagiging pure and innocent ni Marikit kasi para sa akin eh nakakadagdag 'yon sa humor.

PLOT
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The plot was so smooth and honestly wala akong mapuna rito. Everything was well-delivered and coherent. It was indeed humorous at nakaka-enjoy basahin. I also love the "fairy godmother" scene na sinamahan ng kajejehang Uling 4Sale ng mga Pinoy (no offense)) kasi parang nasa isang fantasy land si Marikit where everything is just cupcakes and rainbows, and that scene was so cute, adorable and funny at the same time! Naipakita talaga lahat ng elements of a story, at wala na talaga akong masabi kundi wow. The lesson at the end was also spot on!

GRAMMAR/
NARRATION/
DIALOGUE
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Gustong-gusto ko 'yong pagiging creative mo sa pagpili ng mga salita which adds up to the comedy of your story. Magaling ka mag-narrate at napakaganda ng mga batuhan ng mga dialogues. Wala na rin akong mapupuna rito kasi lahat naman eh halos tama. You really did make an effort in writing this. Great job!

NOVELTY
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Ngayon pa lang ako nakabasa ng ganitong plot so, yes, for me it's novel and also very creative! Although parang nakikitaan ko siya ng mga references from films and stuff eh nabigyan mo naman ng sariling istorya ang mga karakter mo and made them unique in their own way. I salute you, author!

OVERALL EVALUATION
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I enjoyed it very much. The genre -humor - was justified by your creativity and wild imagination. Although this is just one of the many stories that you have written, I'm pretty sure that they'll be a banger like this as well, and I can't wait to read more from you. Hope you have a great day!

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