[CLOSED] Helping Hands Critique Journal

35. Death Zone

MAHALAGANG PAALALA MULA SA IYONG KRITIKO:

HINDI AKO PROFESSIONAL AT MAS LALONG HINDI AKO PERPEKTO. Ang mga punang mababasa niyo ay binase ko lang sa na-obserbahan ko sa iyong kwento at ang natutuhan ko bilang isang manunulat. You signing up here means that you are open-minded at marunong tumanggap ng kamalian. Don't worry you're not obligated to follow lahat ng pinuna ko. It's all up to you pa rin naman okay? Okay.

✏✏✏

Author: moxnstaer
Story: Death Zone
Critic: wintertelle
Critique Released: May 29, 2020
Parts Read: 8 parts + prologue
Book status: On-going
Genre: Fantasy

TITLE
(5%)

Malakas ang dating ng title mo. Sa title pa lang mag-e-expect na talaga ako na magiging deadly ang kwento.

BOOK COVER 
(3%)

To be honest, the cover isn't that appealing for me. It lacks emotion and interpretation sa iyong kwento. I can't get the "feels" kasi nga it's quite lacking. Try to put more elements that will signify your story, a book cover is a visual presentation of your story, after all. P'wede rin naman na magpagawa ka ng cover sa mga book cover shop dito sa wattpad. Maraming shop na open ngayon.

BLURB/
PROLOGUE 
(8%)

B l u r b

Short and precise. I love your blurb! Walang paligoy-ligoy. You introduced the main character and the conflict as well. Though hindi lang siya ganoon ka enticing. Wanna know why? Because your blurb is a little bit common. Marami na akong nabasang mga story, especially sa fantasy, na ililigtas ni main character ang world so parang hindi na siya ganoon ka-surprising for me. Pero kahit na ganoon masasabi kong sapat na ito para makakuha ng atensyon sa mga mambabasa.

One more thing, this part here:

Surrounded with ugly challenges, will Akame Kageyama be able to save the world?