[CLOSED] Helping Hands Critique Journal

31. Cruel Summer

DISCLAIMER:
Ang iyong mababasa ay ayon lamang sa opinyon, kaalaman, at karanasan ng kritiko. Maaari kang masaktan sa ihahain na kritiko kaya hiling naming lawakan muna ang pag-iisip bago simulang magbasa. Nawa'y may karagdagang kaalaman kang matutunan sa pagsusuring ito.

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Author: jjadewp
Story: Cruel Summer
Critic: NobodyElse2
Critic Finished: May 23, 2020
Parts Read: 1-10 Chapter
Status: On-going
Genre: Romance

TITLE
4.5%

The title is quite simple. It's interesting because there so many stories who have an unforgettable-summer plot out there and I haven't read one who has a story like this one. I hope I enjoy this story and answer my question: Why is it called a cruel summer?

BOOK COVER
5%

The book cover is lively and cute. The picture used was authentic. It screams pure art. What I like about the book cover was the font style and the color suits the cover.

PROLOGUE
7%

All I can say in your prologue is that it's better off as Chapter one. Or if you really want it to use as a prologue, you should learn how to make one. The drama and setting weren't suited on the prologue which means it's supposed to be in chapter one. You already made a scene wherein it's just supposed to introduce the characters in some way. I hope you consider my suggestion, writing a prologue is not necessary and you could totally delete it if you think you should start at the first chapter.

CHARACTERIZATION
13.5%

Halos hindi nagkakalayo ang voice ni Dani at Renee. Pero mapapansin ang pagkakaiba ng kilos nilang dalawa which is good. Magkaiba rin ang karanasan nila. Bagay silang maging magkaibigan. Napansin ko lang ay hindi nagkakalayo ang voice ng magkakaibigan nina Polo. Maybe you can change a little bit to enhance the characters.

PLOT
28%

Ang plot ay nagsimula sa pagbe-break ni Kylo at Renee. Sumunod ay nang magbakasyon sila sa Siargao para na rin um-attend sa wedding ng Ate ni Renee. Maayos ang plot may pagka-slice of life. 

GRAMMAR/
TECHNICALITIES
20%

There are quite many grammar errors in your story. I suggest that you may re-edit it again, read it out loud so you can find what's more to add and what should be done. I realized that you haven't learned how to use the dialogue and action tag which is very essential in editing a story. Please read writing tips here on Wattpad, it would help you and your story to improve.

Corrections:

Di- 'di o hindi
Sayo- sa 'yo o sa iyo
Niyo- n'yo

NOVELTY
7% 

Ang masasabi ko ay hindi gaanong orihinal itong istorya dahil katulad ng ibang istorya tumatalakay ito patungkol sa pagtakas ng isang babae sa sakit at makahanap ng panibagong mamahalin. 

OVERALL EVALUATION
85%

Maganda ang pagkakasulat. Mayroong technicalities at typo. Para sa akin ay maganda ang batuhan ng dialogue kahit medyo cliche na. Suggestion ko huwag sobrang pakahabaan ang word count sa isang chapter, meron kasing times na sobrang haba, it tends to be boring na. Suggest ko na i-edit mo time to time ang story mo kahit hindi pa completed. Parang kumbaga part na rin ng page-edit ng first draft kahit hindi muna second draft. 

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What do you think of my criticism? I want to hear your review as well ↪

-Admin Col