[CLOSED] Helping Hands Critique Journal

01. Love You Anymore

IMPORTANT NOTICE:
I am not a professional writer and/or critic. My evaluation and opinion will be based on my observation.

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Author: Lucha_Mia
Story: Love You Anymore
Critic: Pinkieditidy
Critique Released: January 4, 2020
Parts Read: 30
Book Status: On going

TITLE
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☑ Catchy. Madali maalala dahil simple at maikli lang.

☑ Marketable. A lot of readers may be intrigued by your title. "Anymore" is not usually used in affirmative sentences so that gives a whole new meaning to your title.

Honestly, wala akong ibang mapuna rito. It's perfect the way it is.

BOOK COVER
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☑ Simple, and that's what makes it appealing. Hindi masakit sa mata ang colors and great choice of background picture. It already shows the romance in the story.

☑ Great choice of fonts and color. The words are legible at madaling mabasa.

☑? I think the author's name is a little big and overlaps a bit to the picture. Try to blend it to the background a bit.

TEASERS/
INTRODUCTION
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You said that you haven't made the official blurb yet so ang titingnan ko na lang 'yong first four parts of your story.

O1. Dedication
☑ A moving way to start it all. Nagbigay ito ng relate factor para sa mga readers mo.

O2. Casts
☑? Although I had mixed feeling while reading this, I think it's a good way to give a lil insight about the characters. I just hope na meron pang ma-e-expect sa mga characters maliban sa mga nakasulat na do'n.

O3. Open Letter
☑ Is this based on real life? Damang-dama kasi eh. Plus the way you wrote it was excellent! Great choice of words! Marami rin ang nakakarelate base na rin sa comments.

O4. Fifty Years
☑? The message was well-delivered and it's really a sweet passage. May mixed feeling lang ako sa way ng pagsusulat na putol-putol. Overall though it was beautiful and touching.

CHARACTERIZATION/
TONE
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☑ Realistic characters. This is what I love about them. Reaslitic sila at relatable at paniguradong papatok sa mga readers.

☑ They have their own tones. Magaling ang pagkakagawa mo sa kanila kasi makikila agad ang isang character base sa kanilang pananalita at mannerism. Great job!

Character Analysis

O1. Clara
?? She fears ending up like her mother so she pushes away the person who loves her the most. That, I understand. Pero hindi ba matagal na silang naging magkaibigan ng boyfriend niya, so she should know him well by then. Plus, her dad and her boyfriend are very different, pwera na lang sa mga bisyo. I hope na mas ma-elaborate pa kung ano ang nakikita niya kay bf na meron kay papa niya kasi parang hindi gaanong nagiging justifiable ang actions niya, given na years na silang magkakilala ng bf niya.

O2. Niall
☑ Sobra-sobrang magmahal, pati na rin ang ka-sweetan at kakulitan kaya naman humahaplos siya sa damdamin ng bawat mambabasa. Kaya naman 'pag nasasaktan siya, tagos sa puso ng kahit sinong nagbabasa. You made him very likable and lovable kaya naman sobrang sakit din kapag bumaligtad na ang mga pangyayari sa buhay niya.

O3. Margarette
☑? I already had a strange vibe from her the moment na pinakilala siya sa istorya, though I don't view her as a major threat. Parang nagiging kontrabida lang siya sa pag-iisip ni Clara cuz wala siyang gaanong ginagawang actions na nakaka-infuriate, pwera na lang sa super closeness nila ni Niall.

O4. Michael
☑? The "second guy". I have no issues regarding him, but give him more screentime if he's a significant character.

PLOT
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☑ Obladi obalada. Magandang panimula. Naipakita agad ang pagiging writer ni Clara, and other information were delivered smoothly, hindi gaanong overwhelming at enough lang para ma-take-in.

☑ Every chapter is short pero busog naman lagi ang readers because of the humor and those bits of kilig moments. You always end the chapter with something interesting and some cliffhangers kaya naman maeengganyo talaga ang readers na mas magbasa.

?? Gaps. Napapakunot ang noo ko minsan 'pag nagbabasa kasi parang may gaps sa plot niyo. Hindi gaanong coherent ang ibang scenes at parang may mga kulang:

• Chapter 13 - masaya ang mag-jowa and the chapter ended happily.
• Chapter 14 - suddenly, the girl just wants to end it all

Na-explain naman ito sa mga sumunod na chapter pero ang sudden lang. Is this for shock factor?

?? Gap sa pagiging close ulit nina Clara at Michael. Dahil wala namang gaanong eksena si Michael, parang naging sudden bigla 'yong closeness nila given na umalis nga si Clara sa DF. I hope this will be addressed in some flashbacks as well, tulad sa pag-explain sa ibang naging gap.

☑? Chapter 21 - oso o aso? Clara may just be exaggerating it dahil nga may phobia siya kaya oso ang sinabi niya. Nalito lang ako that's why I'm addressing it.

☑ Chapter 23 - great lesson sa show vs. tell. I'll keep that in mind na rin. ;)

Overall though, the plot is very interesting, lalo na't medyo marami-rami ang mangyayari.

GRAMMAR/
NARRATION/
DIALOGUE
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O1. Grammar
☑ Your writing is very professional. Napapanganga talaga ako. May napansin akong typo sa Chapter 16 tho. Jus = Just.

O2. Narration
☑ Humurous. Malaking thumbs up mula sa'kin.

☑ Very descriptive. I love the way you write - hindi masyadong pormal at 'di rin sobrang conyo. Your choice of words are excellent.

☑ Show vs Tell. I believe you're an expert at that already kaya wala akong mapupuna ;)

☑ Everything was well-written.

O3. Dialogue
☑ Laging maayos ang batuhan ng dialogues. I can even tell who's talking even without you stating them.

?? Chapter 26. Parang naging script 'yong umpisa ng chapter. Kung pinopokus mo do'n 'yong intensity ng batuhan ng lines ng mama at ate ni Clara, no need to put them there kasi base na rin sa mga sinasabi nila, makikilala na agad kung ang nagsasalita. Nasabi naman sa mga sumunod na paragraph na "nagpapalakasan ng sigaw" ang ate at mama niya so that's already a dead giveaway.

NOVELTY
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☑ The story is not totally unique pero 'di rin naman sobrang gasgas. Although dahil sa rin sa paraan mo ng pagsusulat, masasabi kong nagawan mo ito ng hustisya.

OVERALL EVALUATION
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You are amazing! Napansin ko sa description mo na kakasimula mo pa lang ng rough draft no'ng Feb. If that story is still a rough draft, I can't imagine how great you are kapag edited and final na 'yon. Can't wait to read more from you ;)

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What do you think of my criticism? I want to hear your review as well ↪

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