[CLOSED] Helping Hands Critique Journal

28. Sleepless Nights

DISCLAIMER:
Ang iyong mababasa ay ayon lamang sa opinyon, kaalaman, at karanasan ng kritiko. Maaari kang masaktan sa ihahain na kritiko kaya hiling naming lawakan muna ang pag-iisip bago simulang magbasa. Nawa'y may karagdagang kaalaman kang matutunan sa pagsusuring ito.

✏✏✏

Author: -serendipxty-
Story: Sleepless Nights
Critic: City_Telle
Critique Finished: May 13, 2020
Parts Read: 22
Book Status: On-going.
Genre: Mystery

TITLE
(4.5%)

Regarding the title, I find it not cliche. I like it. But, how does it relate to the story?

BOOK COVER
(3%)

The book cover... I'm gonna be real - I don't like it. Yes, it looks very pleasing. But it does not relate to the story. I suggest, making a cover that somehow relates to the story.

BLURB/
PROLOGUE
(8%)

○Blurb
I really like your blurb. It is very detailed but at the same time does not spoil your story.

○Prologue
Your prologue, it excites me, it makes me sad - your prologue made me feel a lot of things actually. And that's good. Readers should feel whatever you want them to feel. If you want them to feel sad, they should be sad by reading your story. And whatever you want me to feel - Well, I felt it! Medyo may onting grammar mistakes but it can easily be fixed.

Prologue palang ito but you are already doing great. Keep it up!

CHARACTERIZATION/
TONE
(5%)

I like the way you made Zychie. I personally like her personality. But parang ganon din ang personality ng lahat ng characters mo. Try giving them unique voices and personalities.

PLOT
(26%)

Okay, your plot is very interesting. At first, I thought it was a typical teen fiction story (because of the blurb). But what shocks me - it isn't! It has mystery, thrill, action - genre's that might intrigue new readers. In other words, it's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

But, I think it's too slow. Masyadong mabagal ang daloy ng kwento. Also try leaving much more cliffhangers at the end of the chapter. But overall, ayos naman ang plot.

GRAMMAR/
NARRATION/
DIALOGUE
(15%)

○Narration
You really showed me Zychie's world. You did not just told us her story, you showed us. Imagery is a big factor in storytelling and you did great! Keep it up!

○Grammar
There are some minor errors in your story, but it can be fixed.

You have errors in present, past, and future tense in some dialogues.

•May I remind you that in Simple Present Tense the formula is:

Subject + verb + s/es + object

Nigel and Gerald play basketball (plural)
Nigel plays basketball (singular)

•Simple Past Tense:

Subject + verb + object

Stephen played video games.
Aubrey scanned the paper.

•Past Continous Tense:

[Used when the activity continue in the past]

Subject + was/were + verb + ing + object

I was reading last night
Matt and Kizha were sleeping

•Simple Future Tense

Subject + will + verb + object

Ashley will go to the library.
Bria will go to the beach.

○Dialogue
I can't help but notice that your characters have the same way of speaking. Well, most of them. It might confuse your readers. Try and give them unique voices. For example, one girl speaks in a british accent, the other is bisaya.

NOVELTY
(9%)

I like your plot. Hindi siya cliche. Very unique and intriguing. Not the usual mystery stories I've read.

OVERALL EVALUATION
(70.5%)

Maganda na ang story mo. Just fix minor errors and it will become perfect--no, not perfect. But, one the most extraordinary stories in Wattpad. I believe in you!

Just keep writing!

✏✏✏

What do you think of my criticism? I want to hear your review as well ↪

~°☆Admin City