Fallen | p.jm

It's Been a Year

You rush through the door, throwing your bag and coat down.

Through your kitchen, finally into your bedroom.

It's empty.

You stand frozen for a few short seconds that suddenly seem long. With a haltering breath, you don't let another tear drip from your waterless eyes.

No. You wouldn't let yourself; you couldn't.

You sit and hit record, forcing yourself to do the thing you do every day. You wipe your reddened eyes with a final release of air.

"Today is May 13, 20XX." You sit on the edge of your bed like always, hands tightly clasped together as you try not to break down again.

"It's been one year now."

You stay silent for a while, looking at the ground.

"I-I guess I thought maybe it would be today, you know?" You clear your throat again. "I thought you'd finally come back to me."

You bite your lip, slightly rocking back and forth. You stare at the floor, breaths short and halting.

Don't cry. You think silently. You knew this would be the outcome.

Except... you hoped it wouldn't.

Deep down, you thought- wished today would be the day. As if a year's mark that you suffered on your own would somehow make him appear once more.

All it did was make you realize how little fight you have left. How you know you could no longer hope the same way you did the previous months, nor believe he would appear in your bed the way he disappeared that night.

Today was the final straw.

Because it's been a year, and you're still by yourself.

"I'm not happy anymore," you finally admit it. You shake your head, breaking down all over again. "I need you."

You shake, holding your breath while holding onto the blanket you used to share. Tears begin to fall, and you no longer try to stop them.

"Y/N? You home?" Hoseok's voice resonates from the front door.

Not much longer, and he's in your room with a worried expression.

"Y/N... what's wrong?" He takes off his bag that slings around his body, walking urgently to your side.

Then you let out all that pent up air. "Am I crazy...?"

"No, not at all, Y/N." He insists. "Why would you think that?" He kneels on the floor with his hands on each of your shoulders.

"Why didn't he come back?" You stare at the floor.

His eyes sadden. "Oh, Y/N..." he knows what you're talking about, this not being the first time you've cried to him.

"He's not ever coming back," you hush, turning to him. "Right?" Though your question contradicts your thoughts, you wish for him to tell you: "No, you're wrong. He'll be back. Just wait a little longer."

Instead, Hoseok opens his mouth, though unsure of what to say.

"And..." you stand up, walking over to where your phone records. "These stupid, stupid videos," you throw your phone while forcing out a humorless laugh. "You all thought I was crazy, but I kept- I kept making these, so when he came back, I could show..."

You slow down, covering your mouth to stop the cry that wants to escape. How foolish your mind must've been to believe such a statement.

"I'm crazy, aren't I?" You hush unbelievably. "Two years of my life..."

"Y/N..." Hoseok mutters while stepping toward you slowly.

You bring your hands up to your head, gasping for air in the suffocating space. "I even stayed in this dumb apartment... so that if he came back, he could find me and I-"

Hoseok doesn't let you say anymore, bringing his arms around your shaking figure.

You stayed here. Despite everything around you reminding you of him and making your heart ache like the day he left.

But there were days that made your heart flutter like that first week you moved back into your apartment with him.

A brilliant, magical trail you had been walking down by yourself that also had dangers and perils along the way. At times it was like a scenic, paved path that knew no end: quiet and allowed you to function. Other times a rock or bump would disrupt the straight track, and you would be sad. Then sometimes there would be a terrible hole that you'd forgotten was there, and the pain would burst from your chest in a vicious shout of anguish.

Then there were some times... only a few that a little space of light would shine through the branches of the trees above. Those were the times that you were able to remember him with affection. It was rare, and you enjoyed the few moments it occurred.

Your breathing steadies, and Hoseok just holds you.

"It won't be okay," he whispers gently with a hand stroking your back. "Not for a while. But there will be bad days, and they will end. Just like the good ones."

[A/N]

Just a little longer, I promise. <3

I am so proud of BTS. They are beyond amazing and I really had so many different emotions when I watched their performance. Let's all support them!

I love you all so much, my wonderful Ramies. Please rest well and stay healthy.

- Ichiranramenn <3