Spectrum

34

Natalia's POV

"Hello?" I answer quietly.

"Why the hell haven't you answered my text message?" Ryan snaps into the phone.

"Because I was at work. That, and I owe you no response." I reply.

"You've been ignoring me for weeks. Fucking weeks, Natalia! What the hell am I supposed to think? You're so fucking hot and cold all of the damn time, it's exhausting. What the hell do you want from me?" He yells.

I walk away from my building and into the parking garage quickly. When I turn around, I'm thankful to see that no one is behind me. Not a single person is in sight.

"We're over, Ryan. I already told you this. We're over." I repeat.

"You've said that fifty fucking times, Natalia. You haven't meant it a single time before, so what the fuck makes this time any different?" He yells.

Grayson makes this time different. Grayson has made everything different.

"We're never going to work out, Ryan. You know this. You said this." I say as calmly as possible.

"Yeah, I've said a bunch of shit in the past. That doesn't mean this time is the final try. I'm in love with you, Nat. Come on, baby. Please. Just let me see you." He begs.

"No, Ryan." I sigh, getting into my car. "You don't love me. You only think that you love me. You don't love me."

"Yes I do! I'm in love with you!"

"You hurt me, Ryan. You don't hurt people that you love." I say.

"I only hurt you because you push me so fucking far. You yell and you scream just as badly as I do. You've hit me, too. Don't act like you're so fucking innocent in all of this because you aren't. You know that you aren't. You know I wouldn't have done any of that shit if it weren't for you pushing me to it." He snaps.

"It wasn't my fault." I say, defending myself.

"It wasn't mine either." He argues.

"What is the point of all of this, Ryan?" I sigh in defeat.

"I just miss you, Nat. I just want to see you again. I want to work things out. I want to stop fighting with you. I just want you." He answers in a softer tone then before.

I remember at one point in time, this would have worked. These words would have made me fall to my knees in pure defeat. I remember that at one point during our four year long relationship, I would have begged to hear him say these things to me.

I never wanted to hurt Ryan. Ryan was one of my friends growing up. He was a year older than me and I was completely obsessed with everything about him. He only noticed me because of the group of people I ran with. He was close with one of them and after awhile, I started seeing more and more of him. He noticed me and the rest fell into place. He was the guy that I was proud to show off. When I was a senior, I remember always bragging about my boyfriend. The man who was supposed to love and support me in everything.

Things weren't always bad with Ryan. He used to be sweet and caring. He used to tell me how perfect I was and treat me like I was the most precious thing in the entire world. I was his entire world.

I don't really know what changed.

"Ryan, stop." I sigh.

"No, Natalia. I want you. I need you. You need me too, don't even try and tell me otherwise."

I know that what I'm about to tell him is going to piss him off. I can only hope that he doesn't try and come over after I tell him. I regret even inviting him to my apartment after being forced to move to get away from him. Of course, all he had to do was beg for me to go back to him. Despite everyone begging me to just leave him alone, I went crawling back for more. It wasn't until Grayson started seeing me that I finally cut things off. Fully cut them off, that is. Ryan isn't ever going to change.