Spectrum

48

Grayson is waiting for me at the door when I arrive and engulfs me into my very own much needed hug. I inhale his scent as he holds me. I hope this is something that I can get used to.

"Are you okay?" He asks with concern.

"I'm okay now." I nod. "I'm sorry." 

"Whatever the issue is, we can fix it. Okay? It's all going to be fine." He assures me.

"I'm so sorry." I say, tears filling my eyes.

"Don't be sorry for feeling hurt by something." He replies. "Don't ever be sorry for that." 

"Nat?" I hear in a soft voice. I look up and see Sofia standing behind Grayson in the apartment.

"I'm so sorry, Sofia." I say, going towards her.

"Oh my God, don't be." She says with a wave of her hand.

"No, this isn't okay. You guys are all arguing because of me and things that i'm causing. I owe Shane an apology, too. It wasn't fair to him. He's a good guy and a good boss. I deserved to be written up. I deserved all of this. I'm acting like a child, not an adult. I understand now, and i'm sorry. I'll do better. I promise." I say to the two of them.

"Okay, you're being insane right now." She laughs as she walks over to give me a hug. "Everything is fine, okay? Shane is an asshole all on his own. Our argument has nothing to do with you. Got it?" She says in stern reassurance. "We're going to be fine. But if it makes you feel better, you are completely forgiven on my end." 

"I love you, Sofia." I say, hugging her tightly. "You're an amazing friend." I say.

"Promise?" She asks in a smaller voice than normal.

"I promise." I reply.

"Okay. Good." She says, squeezing my one last time before letting me go.

"Do you need something? Water?" Grayson asks as I turn to him.

"Maybe." I say with a nod. 

"Stay here." He says as he rushes to the kitchen to grab some water.

"Listen, I'm going to go back to my apartment. Shane has suffered long enough, I'm sure." Sofia says with a sad smile. "It's time that maybe I do some apologizing too." She groans.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, either." Grayson mutters.

"Maybe not but...I have to change something if I want for this to workout." She sighs.

"Yeah well, he has some changing to do, too." He says in reply.

"Thank you." She says to the two of us. "Both of you." 

"I'll see you later. Love you." Grayson says, hugging her one last time before she leaves.

Once the door closes behind her, Grayson comes back to me and scoops me into his arms.

"What are you doing?" I squeal, kicking my legs in the air playfully.

"Taking you to bed. It's been a long day and you're staying here tonight." He laughs, holding me with ease.

"Trying to have your way with me, yeah?" I laugh.

"Oh yeah." He answers, dropping me onto the bed playfully.

"But first?" I ask, knowing he wants to get into our discussion first.

"But first...I want for us to talk about what happened." He sighs, taking a seat next to me on the bed. 

"I knew it was too good to be true." I tease with a sigh.

"It's still good." He assures me.

"What do you want to talk about? I'm an open book now. Promise." I reply.

"Can you start with...why you think I would ever cheat on you?" He asks.

"I don't know." I mutter. "I think I go back and forth on the entire thing. Sometimes I'm so sure that you would never do something like that." 

"I wouldn't ever do something like that." He says.

"I know." I sigh. "Sometimes my brain just tries to convince me otherwise." 

"I know." He nods. "Now I'm just having a hard time figuring out who hurt you so badly that you doubt everyone else." 

"Ryan." I mutter.

"Ryan?" He asks.

"He used to hit me." I admit.

"He used to what?" He says in angry disbelief.

"Sometimes I think that it was my fault." I reply.

"What? No. No, no, no." He says, quickly taking my hands in his much larger ones. "Don't blame yourself for his actions." 

"He used to hit me all the time." I say, voice cracking.

"Nat." He says in a whisper, rubbing my palm with his thumb.

"He would cheat on me constantly. Sometimes, he would do it in plain sight. Like, one time when we were out to dinner, he had been texting our waitress for weeks. He took me there on purpose and told me at the table that he had slept with her. He liked knowing that he was hurting me. He liked knowing that he had a control over me. He started hitting me playfully and then it turned aggressive. Sometimes he would only do it where he could see it. Like, on my arm or something. Then he would make it more obvious because it's the only way I would stay with him." I say.

"What do you mean it's the only way you would stay with him?" 

"I didn't want anyone to know." I cry. "God, I still don't want anyone to know. He knew that if he hit me in the face hard enough to leave a bruise that I would stay at home with him. I didn't have anywhere else to go." 

"I can't even begin to wrap my head around this." He says more to himself than to me.

"I know." I reply with a slow nod.

"Natalia, I love you." He blurts out.

"Wait, what?" I say, sitting up from the bed.

"I love you." He repeats, sounding so sure of himself. 

"I...you-"

"You don't have to say it back." He says quickly. "I know I probably shouldn't have said it so early, but I've been thinking it for awhile. I don't know. I've been thinking it for awhile and I don't know why I felt as though right now was the best time to say it but-"

"You love me?" I ask.

"Yes." He replies. "So much. And I hate that we've been arguing about something- or someone- that means absolutely nothing to me. Why would I ever want Genevieve when I have the most beautiful human in my apartment right now?" He asks.

"Do you mean that?" I ask quietly.

"Which part?" He asks.

"All of it." I smile.

"Yes." He smiles, brushing his nose against mine. "All of it." 

"You think I'm beautiful?" I ask, wanting to hear it again.

"That and so much more." He assures me. 

"Can we stop fighting?" I ask.

"God, please." He nearly begs. "I'm so tired of fighting with you."

"Me too." I agree. "There's much more I would rather be doing with you." I smirk.

"Really?" He asks, giving me a knowing look.

"Oh yeah." I nod. "So maybe we should start that." 

"With pleasure." He says, pulling me down to kiss him. 

Which I do, with pleasure.