Vampire Diaries Blood Brothers

~Chapter Fifty Four~

My dark brown eyes stared narrowed as I raised my hands to eye level, scrutinizing every little movement as I slowly clenched my fist. My short fingernails pressed into my scarred palms and I squeezed my eyes shut, biting my lip as I breathed through the sharp pain. It'd been five days since Damon, Alaric and I braved the weather and saved Stefan from the house of vampires, and though the fear and anxiety that day had caused me had almost vanished completely, the burns on my hands weren't quite there yet. At least they weren't so visible anymore. Sighing, I sunk into my desk chair and held my face in my hands, my elbows leaning against the table as I stared at the copies of Jonathan Gilbert's journals. Between school, keeping my sanity, and worrying about everyone I loved I hadn't had a lot of time to look through his entries. I'd read a few but as Alaric said, there wasn't anything in here hinting at the reason behind my odd vervain induced burns or ability to withstand compulsion. A part of me wanted to just give up, to accept I would never know and be done with it, but I knew no matter how hard I tried to forget about it I'd never be satisfied not knowing. I would find the truth, even if I spent my whole life searching, I would find it. 
   Another truth I would discover was why Stefan was ignoring me. The last time I saw him he was telling me to go home with Alaric. I'd called him a thousand times, left a thousand voicemails, and sent a thousand texts but not once had he contacted me back. He hadn't been at school and Caroline, the girl who lived for drooling over cute guys, hadn't seen him around anywhere. Alaric said he hadn't even seen Damon at the bar. 
   I hoped he was OK. Not hearing from Stefan always worried me, but this time was different. In the past whenever he'd dropped off the radar it was usually because he was dealing with Damon or some other vampire/witch related problem. Damon was still evil and unpredictable, but he was different. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him, but I believed he genuinely cared about his brother. As for any vampire/witch related problem, that was what we were doing on Sunday night. There was only one other reason I could possibly think of. He couldn't control his blood lust. By feeding him human blood, my blood, I had awoken a thirst inside of him he'd spent a century trying to bury. When Stefan first told me he was a vampire I couldn't even imagine a kind, caring, and sweet guy like him to be capable of such monstrous atrocities, but if Sunday night was anything to go off... Well... To be honest I was terrified. Seeing him embrace his inner monster the other night frightened me, and the thought that his blood lust was so strong he was too afraid to even text me frightened me even more.
   "Eva?"
   I jumped, my heart racing as Jenna tapped me on the shoulder. "Oh, Jenna," I breathed. "I didn't hear you."
   She furrowed her brow. "Are you OK? You seem a little... Jumpy."
   I gulped, running my fingers through my hair as I nodded, forcing a smile. "Yeah, mm-hm, fine."
   "OK, well, Stefan's here."

My shoes slammed against the wooden staircase as I skipped as many steps as possible without hurting myself. I burst through the front door, sailing over the porch steps as I barreled down the path and into the strong, welcoming arms of the love of my life. "Stefan," I breathed, joyful tears pricking my eyes as I ran my hand through his hair, my permanent grin unfading. Stefan gripped the back of my head, banishing the space between us as he pulled me into a fierce embrace. If it were any other time I might've remarked on how his hug was crushing my rib cage, but I didn't care, not now. I'd spent the last five days worrying about Stefan, wondering when I'd next get to see him. No way was I pulling away now. "I love you," I whispered, kissing the edge of his jaw. "I missed you so much, I was so worried." Pulling my chin from his shoulder, I cupped his face and kissed him, pressing my lips as hard against his as I could. "I love you so much."
   He tore his lips away from my mouth, panting slightly as he leaned his forehead against mine, tucking my hair back with his shaky fingertips. "I missed you too."

With one sweep of my foot my bedroom door slammed shut. I coiled my fingers around the hem of Stefan's shirt and wrapped my legs around his, my lips locked with his as we fell back onto my bed. Stefan's grasp of my face tightened as he rolled over, pinning my body down with his. He brought his mouth to my chin, the tip of his tongue brushing against my jawline as he kissed every inch of my neck. "Ouch!" I jolted beneath his body and Stefan flew back, sending my lamp crashing to the floor as he pressed his back against the wall. I sat up, touching the tender spots of my neck, my mouth hanging open as I examined the spots of blood on the tips of my fingers. "Stefan?!" I shrieked, tears building in my eyes as I retracted away from him.
   A mixture of dread, fear, and remorse churned in his expression as he stared at the red oozing from my neck. I felt a pang of guilt as I tried to swallow my horror. It was an accident. It was an accident and I was treating him like a fearsome monster. Pushing my fear aside, I swiped the blood away and walked towards him, noting his tense posture as he froze in the corner. "Hey," I whispered, managing a small smile as I approached him cautiously. "It's OK," I assured him, blinking my tears away. "I'm fine, see? It was just an accident-"
   "Just an accident?" He repeated under his breath, flinching away as I reached out to touch him. "Just an accident?" His voice grew as he gained his confidence back, pushing past me as he paced the length of my room. His hands balled into fists as he tugged the ends of his hair, hissing through gritted teeth.
   "Stefan-"
   "I could have killed you, Eva!" He shouted, tears pricking his eyes as he motioned to the place we were lying just seconds before. "See this is what happens, this is what happens when I drink human blood. I'm out of control, I can't do this, it's too much..."
   "Hey," I interrupted, cutting off his mumbling. "Stefan," my tone softened as I tilted my head. "I am so sorry," I whimpered, sniffing slightly as I suddenly felt incredibly small and fragile.
   He furrowed his brow. "Eva," he shook his head, unable to comprehend my outburst. "Eva what could you possibly be sorry for? You haven't done anything wrong."
   "Yes," my voice cracked as I ran my fingers through my hair. "Yes, I have. You've been on your animal diet for over a century," I reminded him, shaking my head as I folded my arms across my trembling torso. "And I... I came along and forced you to drink my blood and now... Now you're in agony and it's all my fault."
   Tears spilled down my cheeks as I crouched on the floor, my entire body shaking as I clutched either side of my torso. This was my fault. Everything was my fault. Elena, Mom, Dad, Grams... It was my fault they were all dead and now my immortal boyfriend was overridden with guilt and could barely live with himself and why? Because of me. Because I was the same person I was that dreadful night last May. My selfishness put Elena in the woods when she was attacked by that animal, my selfishness put my parents under that bridge, my selfishness made Grams lift the spell that killed her and my selfish desire to ease my own struggle of carrying Stefan led him to drink my blood.
   "Eva." His warm breath on my cheeks caused a loose strand of hair to brush against my cheek as he crouched in front of me. Clearly back in control, he pried my hands from cupping my torso and held them in his, rubbing circles on my knuckles with his thumbs as he tilted his head, gazing deep into my eyes. "You have nothing to be sorry for," he stated, his tone firm yet gentle. "You saved my life. I wouldn't be here if you hadn't given me your blood." Tucking my hair back behind my ear, he smiled. "Thank you."
   I sniffed, wiping the moist patch of skin between my lip and nostril as I finally met his warm and loving gaze. "But the blood lust-"
   "I will beat it," he assured me, his smile unwavering. "I did it before, I can do it again. It will take some time," he admitted. "But I will be back to my old self before you know it," he promised.
   "Is there anything I can do to help?" I offered, leaning in his embrace as we moved from the floor to the edge of my bed. "Whenever I'm having trouble you always help me, I want to do the same for you."
   He pursed his lips, shaking his head slightly as he stroked the side of my cheek. "I'm sorry Eva, I wish I could say yes but this is something I have to do on my own and..." He sighed. "I'm going to do everything I can to make this transition as quick as possible, but I fear having you around will only make it worse."
   I frowned. "But, how can you learn to resist the urge if you cut yourself off from it completely?"
   "Oh no, not completely," he clarified. "It's just, it's all a part of the process."
   "Tell me," I urged, squeezing his hand. Stefan didn't want my help, and that was fine, but if I couldn't help I at least wanted to know what he was doing. That way I could, I don't know, sympathize or something.
   "It's not a pretty story," he warned.
   I straightened my posture, squaring my shoulders as I pursed my lips like the people from the lawyer shows. "Try me."
   He chuckled slightly, squeezing my thigh. "Well, first I have to starve myself. As in, one hundred percent, no human, no animal, nothing. It won't be easy, in fact it's the hardest part, but it'll make the transition a lot faster if I go with nothing right away," he explained. "Anyway, once I've gone without any blood at all, I start, in slow increments, reintroducing animal blood to my body. Compared to human blood animal blood is," he shuddered, crinkling his nose. "But compared to nothing it's a taste of heaven, really," he beamed, entwining his fingers with mine. "And then I'll be as good as new. No urges, complete self-control."
   I nodded slowly, running through the process in my mind. It sounded grueling, but Stefan had done this before. He knew what he was doing. "Well I have complete faith in you," I smiled, pecking his cheek.
   "It should only take a couple of days, a week at most maybe. I'll probably miss a bit of school but I promise to be ready for the Miss Mystic Falls Pageant."
   He grinned, but his smile didn't meet his eyes the way it usually did. Not wanting to worry him further, I forced a smile, hugging him so he wouldn't see the concern in my expression. I rested my chin on his shoulder, tears pricking my eyes as he squeezed me tight, tighter than usual. A single tear slid down my cheek as I stared at my broken lamp. Stefan talked about his transition back to the old-him like it was some sort of joke but it wasn't. He bit me, and the sight of my blood made him crazy, and he was so much rougher and stronger than he had ever been before. He said nothing was wrong, that everything would be fine but I wasn't so sure. What have I done?