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Tuesday 5th

~

How can you say you'll be mine?

~

Jimin walked through the empty corridor of their dormitory. The melancholy felt like a cloak that wrapped itself around his body. Yet, he felt so cold. The cloak was heavy and anchored to him, pulling him down into a ocean that Jimin couldn't swim his way out off. It wasn't anything new. He has been struggling to keep his head up the water for a long time. But when he met Yoongi, when he talked to him, it felt like he was in a bubble of warmth and happiness. He didn't feel like it was drowning anymore. He didn't feel scared when with him. Still, he was scared to be with him. 

However, all such fear were gone because he won't be able to see Yoongi again. He won't be able to see the elder scrunch up his face when he would tease him, or see Yoongi laugh lowly when he would do something silly.

He hadn't known the elder for long, but still it felt so right. Jimin didn't question anything he did. He didn't feel insecure of his actions, his words... of himself. But life was cruel and it pulled them apart from each other. Jimin couldn't go him, even if he wanted to. He couldn't be with him even if he wanted. 

His sadness is a hollowness. He couldn't tell what's worse. Sometimes the hollowness is a shell, holding in a thousand oceans of tears. Sometimes though, it holds a thousand pieces of glass that are wedged in between his soul and body. 

"Yoongi..." Jimin whispered to himself, closing his eyes and trying to imagine how the elder looked like. He wondered if Yoongi had been there during his show couple days back. And if he did, Jimin wished  he could see him. 

He trudged back into his room and let his body fall down against the material of his mattress. He had been practicing non stop since the morning, trying to let off the steam that was inside of him. His muscles ached but it didn't make him feel any better. 

His eyes shifted to the bracelet in his hand. His brows creased together when he noticed something on the bracelet. He carefully opened the lock and held up the bracelet in front of his face.

"Even if you can't see me" Jimin mumbled, reading the engravings. 

It didn't make any sense to him. He thought about all the little messages that were attached to the gifts Yoongi had given him. His eyes widen, as he gasped when he was able to string the phrases together and it made proper sense. He got up and went to get all the gifts together before walking back to his bed. 

"For as long as the sun burns, till the last petal falls. I'll be there for you even if you can't see" 

Tears welled up deep inside of him, filling up his heart and body. Until it was too much and they leaked through his eyes. A bright red blush decorated his cheeks. His lips were quivering violently. 

He pulled everything closer to himself. The peach teddy in one hand and the crystal rose in the other. The bracelet was back on his wrist as if it was the only thing keeping him alive. The exhaustion finally crept in and before Jimin knew, he was asleep holding dearly onto everything that reminded him of Yoongi.

~

Jimin sighed staring at his phone. He so badly wanted to unblock Yoongi's number and talk to him but he couldn't. With a lifeless sigh Jimin got, ignoring his phone. He decided to go practice and let out all the bottled up emotions. But as he was reaching for his door, Taehyung dashed inside, almost running into Jimin.

"Jimin!" Taehyung called out hysterically without noticing Jimin who had tripped down. He frowned when he looked to see Jimin scowling. 

"I understand you're sad. But you shouldn't be on the floor" He sighed, pulling Jimin. 

The other was too mentally exhausted to reply to Taehyung's comment and let him be. 

"What happened Taehyung? If it's because Jungkook stole something from you, please let me be" Jimin mumbled in a drained voice. 

"No, it's about Akio's case" 

Jimin's head snapped to his friend hearing that. His eyes were widen and lips agape. He understood immediately that Taehyung had found out who outed the information. And even though, Jimin believed that it wasn't Yoongi, he still couldn't help the bubbles of fear that chocked his throat and congested his lungs.

"Who-Who was it?" Jimin stuttered out. The fear of knowing the answer clouding his mind.

The expressionless look on Taehyung's face didn't help his thumping heart and racing mind. Each second felt like it was getting stretched to a thousand years.

"It wasn't Yoongi" Taehyung declared. 

The sigh that left Jimin's lips was of a softly deflating; it was as if a tension had lifted yet left her with a melancholy relief. 

"It was a newbie journalist from Japan working freelance" Taehyung said, "Um, we can clean off your name of this mess, but we have to make sure that Yoongi has deleted every last recording and picture" 

Jimin nodded in a dazed manner. He was happy to know that Yoongi hadn't outed him, but he didn't feel much better. He knew that even now, there was no way he could go to Yoongi. No one was going to let him go to him. He was Park Jimin, the famous idol. A famous puppet who had to do what people wanted him to, what he was supposed to. He couldn't do what he wanted to without facing consequences. 

'How can I  ever be with him?'  

~

(Written: 19-08-2020)

(Published:19-08-2020)

Quote:

Will it forever be a dream?

To have your arms around me.

How can I ever call you mine?

When the whole world denies

-Luna_aka_Blade