Leaving Behind

6. Hopelessness

PETE

"Pete?" Porsche keeps calling me even though I constantly ignoring him. I had nothing against him. I just wanted to be alone. I hide myself under the blanket ever since I reached our room last night. I pretended to be asleep. They believed it at first, but not anymore.

I can hear some people chattering, although I couldn't hear the details of their conversation. Apart from Porsche, Arm and Pol were also here. I can hear someone's footsteps getting closer, approaching my bed.

"Come on, Pete. You need to eat." It was Arm, he said with worried tone. I ignored it. My brain is telling me to get up and not to worry my friends, but my body decided to against it.

After few minutes, Arm and Pol finally went out of the room, leaving me and Porsche. They will have to start their duty soon. Meanwhile, Porsche is still in the room. I can feel the weight on one side of my bed. "I'm sorry, Pete." He apologized. Why would he apologized? I wondered.

"I should have listened to you. I shouldn't get distracted last night. I heard from them. You went missing while looking for me. It never crossed my mind that he would used me to get to you. Anyway, it was my fault. I'm sorry."

I let out a sighed before moved the blanket that was covering face. I was careless too. I was too certain that the event will turned out the same as I remembered. I wonder what made it changed? I couldn't let Porsche blaming himself.

I removed the blanket from my upp body and raised my body to sit while Porsche looking at the other side. He didn't dare to look at me. "It's no one's fault." I said, getting attention from Porsche.

"Of course, it was that bastard's doing! Tell me what he did to you. I'll do it back at him." Porsche blurted out what really is on his mind. He was getting worked up all of the sudden. "Of course I am at wrong too, but that bastard played foul. He's a coward for using me!" He added.

"He didn't do anything. My condition right now has nothing do with him." I spoke only the truth. I'm feeling down because I realised how powerless I am against the fate. "Give me one day. I just need one day. I'll become the Pete I used to be tomorrow. Please?" I pleaded.

"Okay." Porsche gave up. He went out of the room to start his duty and to give me the space I needed.

*********

Last night, when I was unconscious after being drugged by Vegas' men, I went back to the space between the two parallel world for the second time. What I saw this time made me feel devastated.

The white room was empty until a few people in uniform came into the room to check on the condition of the person lying on the bed. It was me. I was on a life-support machine. Why am I here? This room was for VIP. I am not even a family member of main or minor family.

After the medical team finished doing check up on me, they left. Macau immediately entered the room. That was when realized, it was probably Macau's doing that I was able to be treated in this VIP room.

"Phi Pete... please wake up. They are going to send hiaa soon. Don't you want to meet him?" Macau pleaded.

Soon after, Khun Noo came with Arm and Pol. Khun Noo gently stroked my hair before tapped Macau's shoulder. Khun Noo and Macau who had always bickered and picking a fight with each other were together in a room.

"Khun Macau, we had prepared a set of cloth for you to change." Arm said. Macau went out of the room with Arm and Pol, leaving Khun Noo alone in the room with me.

"Pete, I'll make sure today's went well. I'll avenge for you and Vegas soon. The truth will reveal soon. So, you need to wake up to see them fall." Khun Noo said with a sad smile. Few minute, later, Arm opened the door and came in after few knocked on the door.

"Let's go, Khun Noo." Arm called Khun Noo once Macau had changed. Looking at their attire, I can tell where they might be going. It was Vegas' funeral. I tried to follow them. I want to see Vegas! The Vegas that I knew. The Vegas that loves me...

At certain distance, I felt short of breath and my chest hurt so much. A group of medical team went running towards the same direction. Khun Noo, Macau, Arm, and Pol looked at each other. "Pete!" Pol shouted they went back, running to my room.

After they performed emergency treatment, my condition back to normal, just like before. I chuckled in disbelief. I can't even went far from my body in this life. While in the other life, I couldn't even control what was going to happened. How am I going to save him? I couldn't even able to do ot before. I'm hopeless in both worlds. Then, I woke up to feel Vegas' hand caressing my cheek.

*********

I am now alone in my room. I kept thinking of what Khun Noo said when he was alone with me. What did he meant? Getting revenge for me and Vegas? To whom? What bullets were they talking about? Weren't we supposed to die because of the war between main and minor family? Was there more than these?

I'm need to get my composure back. I need to set my mind straight. I shouldn't get confused between these two worlds. I need to be able to differentiate the life I am going through right now from the other life.

I knew that the Vegas here is still alive and I still have the chance to save him. That is all matters. What can I do when I can feel? I can still feel and remember the pain of losing him. Today will the only day I'll be grieving for that Vegas.

That night, Khun Noo caused another uproar. "Pete!" He stormed into my room despite being told not to by Porsche. Khun Noo protested by saying, "This is my house too!"

"Sorry." Porsche apologized, putting both of his hands together.

"You had enough time with yourself. It's my turn!" Khun Noo was screaming at me, demanding me to be with him. Why should I share my time for myself with him? I mean... my time belongs to me, right? Besides, I was told to rest by Khun Kinn.

"But Khun Kinn gave me..." I couldn't finished my sentence when he interrupted.

"You are working for me!" Khun Noo spitting fact. I hate it when he used his employer's card.

It turned out that Khun Noo had prepared a party at Yok's Bar. It was the bar that Porsche used to work at. They bailed me before, now he is trying to 'make it right' for me. He didn't even had to say it aloud. I knew he was doing this to make me feel better. His method was quite unique, at least his attention was pure.

I decided to follow them. This will probably helped me to distract myself from the feeling of hopelessness that is currently engulfing me. Screw everything! I'm going to have fun tonight!

_________

* TW *

This may be sounded so not professional, I don't think I should write it here, but I don't know. I just feel the urge to declare it here.

"I'm gonna keep writing this to kill my time while waiting for my Luve to come back."

If you don't want to keep reading because of my stand, that's fine. To those who are still interested, HAVE FUN READING!

...and there will probably be a lot of changes in the plot. I'm just going to keep the characters.