drawing hearts

thirty two

november 2020
ivory

it's snowing.

i've been awake since three or four this morning. i fed meadow and now i'm staring at the light shining through the curtains.

"meadow. baby, look it's snowing." i say, but turn the other way, so she's not blinded by the amount of light outside at such an early time.

i put her back down and stay by her side till she's dozing off.

i put on one of harry's hoodies and walk out on the balcony in a pair of my old birks.

i love snow. i love winter. the bright light over our backyard brings back the good memories from when i was little. wilma and i would stay in the snow for hours at a time.

i smile at the memory.

"what's got you smiling like that?"

i turn and see harry, as he closes the door to come outside. he's wearing a pair of sweatpants he must've put on and then a black hoodie.

"the snow." i pull my legs close to me.

"baby, it's gorgeous, but it's so cold. come back to bed, then we can go outside later."

i'm freezing anyways, so i agree and walk towards him. he grabs my hand and pulls me into his body.

harry pulls the hoodie he had put on over his head and lays back into bed. i keep the one i'm wearing on, still feeling the cold, as i cuddle myself into his side.

his fingers brush through my hair and mine fiddle around his stomach.

my mind goes back to wilma and i playing in the snow. my mum making our hot chocolate, while my dad ran around with us.

"harry?"

"yeah, baby?" he mumbles.

"what... what went wrong?"

i'm pulled onto harry's lap and he pulls both of us up, so we're sat.

"what do you mean?"

"i used to have the best family."

"baby, don't say that. you and wilma are such a strong family." he turns to look towards meadow. "and look at that pretty baby you've created."

i nod, cause i know he's right. i've got wilma, i've got people around me, i've got harry and our baby.

"the snow reminded me of- i don't know. i guess i just wish that my parents didn't end up like they've been the last many years. i miss playing in the snow with my happy family." i let tears stream down my face.

"aw ivy." he pulls me as close as possible. "you know, you didn't deserve any of what happened to you and none of it could ever be yours or wilma's fault." he holds my head up in front of him. "promise me, you're not blaming yourself."

"i'm-" i know it's not my fault, but it's harder to say than just think.

"i love you so much." he speaks and this time i pull him closer again.

"i know it's not mine or wilma's fault. i love you." i press a kiss to his neck.

"wilma told me how much she loves you."

my sister truly means the world to me and knowing that her and harry talk on that level is the best thing that could happen.

wilma's been staying with us for a while now. i love it, but i can tell that this isn't her.

i'm the more quiet one, i feel happy and content being at home and relaxing. when we were younger, i'd always be more nervous to pull all the pranks she did on our parents.