From a Christian Girl's Perspective

Sister in Christ's Testimony: Stolen Innocence

It's 1:41 am as of the time that I am typing this sentence and I just can't go to bed because I feel the need to share a Christian girl's testimony with you.

I asked for her permission to post her testimony in here but her name will be kept anonymous for the sake of her privacy.

This is from her perspective since she shared it via inbox. I edited some of the punctuations and wordings to make it more readable since English is not her first language and she said it was okay if I did.

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Here's her story:

"I was just like any other four year old -I loved to play, talk nonstop,  and just go out and explore.

In short, I was innocent.

However, my innocence was stolen on the day when I was touched by my uncle. It happened multiple times.

Since then, my perception of my sexuality became messed up.

I could not tell anyone because little me thought that it was I who deserved the blame. I grew up beating myself about it, repeatedly and silently whispering, "It was my fault. It was my fault. It was my fault."

I felt like the most sinful, dirtiest child in the planet. I was ashamed of myself. I thought that no guy would want me because I thought I was not worth accepting.

I was so young and my innocence was stolen that my eyes became blinded by lust. I was a very depressed kid.

I was eleven when I started watching pornography, masturbating and it was also then that I realized that women aroused me. I was sexually attracted to women and I was constantly in lust. I never found it easy to deal with the opposite sex and I had anxiety whenever I was alone with a boy.  But girls? I had fun with them, imagining things I could do to them.

I thought that sex is the answer to everything. And the world taught me that it is okay to be a slave to sex. I indulged in it to the point that I no longer felt guilty about it. Being a slave to it fooled me into thinking that it is empowering, that it is cool. I wanted to do it all the time, but no matter how many times I did it, I still wanted more. No matter how many times I orgasmed (Merriam-Webster: "point of sexual activity where sexual pleasure is strongest."), I was never fully satisfied. I still felt worthless, dirty, empty and miserable. I was hopeless and it felt inescapable.

However, sophomore year, I met a girl who went through it, too. She was a victim of sexual molestation, but unlike me she was not a slave to sex. She once was a prisoner of lust, but she was set free. For some reason, I started to wonder why she would want to reach out to me persistently although I was never eager to listen to her. I wondered why she could love so much and be happy. She told me about Jesus and how loved we are by Jesus. At first, I didn't even care because I was made to believe that no matter how "loving" Christians described him, I was still a sinner and sinners go to hell.

However, my eyes opened when I heard about what Jesus did for me. Jesus died because I am sinful. I was so sinful and so dirty but He died to make me clean. He took my place. He loved me that much! I had hope that despite how heavy my sins are, His love is greater! He does not look at my sin, but He looks at how worthy I am that He chose to go through it all for me. He gave me the most valuable gift and I had the choice whether or not to accept it and I did. I am confident that I my soul shall live forever because of what Jesus did for me.

Now Jesus is my Lord and Savior. He taught me love. He loved me at my darkest and now I get to love freely too. I have to admit, temptations are still there but Jesus is greater. I know that if the Son sets free you'll be free indeed. I am not a slave of the molestation. I am not a slave to lust. I am a crowned daughter of God who has a place in the heaven. Whose name is written in the Book of Life. I was dead, but He raised me to life. To love Him, to love everyone. Even my uncle. I now understand that sex is meant for married couple and I am very much excited for the day when I get to marry a man who loves God and build a family with God at the center. I am pure, worthy and beautiful in His eyes and I have learned not to worry about being loved for no matter how many times I mess up, His love for me even before I came into this world has remained unchangeable and unconditional.

One verse that sticks to me is John 8:36 and it says, "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed!""

-Anonymous